Dan The Dad (Phan)

2

I nervously went into the flat and threw the bags onto the counter before taking a deep breath and running my hands through my still slightly messy hair. I did all the math on the way here, and it adds up. Maybe I should try to talk to Allie before I say anything to Phil... But then again I did cheat on him and he deserves to know.

"Oh Dan, you didn't have to do the shopping today, I'm feeling much better, really." He said but I didn't turn to look at him, I couldn't. My skin felt like it was a thousand degrees and my cheeks were in flames, my brain was in the process of melting.

"Dan?" He asked with a concerned tone. I used my hands on the counter to help hold me up. "Are you alright?" There was no avoiding this, I couldn't run, I couldn't hide and I couldn't lie.

"I think- I think we should uh, talk." I stuttered out as my voice cracked.

"Okay. Why won't you look at me?" He asked now with a worried tone.  I turned around still trying to avoid his blue eyes wondering what was wrong.

"Let's go sit in the living room." I said.

He sat down in the big leather chair and I pulled up the footstool to be able to sit directly across from him and look him in the eyes, I needed to do this right, even if he did hate me afterwards.

"So, what is it? What's wrong?" He asked.

"I-I don't know where to start." I said possibly prolonging the inevitable.

"Is it bad?" Phil asked more worried now.

"Yes. Yes, it's bad and I'm a stupid, awful, ignorant person." I admitted. I looked at Phil and his blue eyes began to water as the guilt ate me from the inside out.

"Just say it." He pleaded.

"Back in Manchester we had a huge fight and I went to a bar and there was this girl I knew from Uni..." I swallowed a hard knot in my throat as Phil covered his mouth and shut his eyes tight making tears now fall freely down his cheeks.

"Please tell me you didn't do anything." He begged.

"I'm so sorry." I said making his body shake with sobs still in his white t shirt he slept in. "I didn't tell you because I honestly didn't remember, until I saw her today. I'm so sorry Phil." My heart was broken for the love of my life sobbing in front of me.

He sniffed "how could you? I never thought you'd be capable of anything like this. How could you just not remember?" He asked so many questions they buzzed through my head.

"I was drunk" was my only answer.

"What do I say to this? What do I do? I need some time alone." He said after a moment of pure sobbing.

"That's not all." I said with my voice filled with dread.

"Oh god, please no more." He cried, but I had to tell him, it was the right thing to do.

"When I saw her today she had a little girl with her... I-I think she's mine, Phil. There's a photo on Twitter... I-I don't know." I said nervously and shaking.

"Oh my god." He wailed. "This can't be happening. Why is this happening?!" He cried into his hands. He got up and stormed off to his room, slamming the door behind him. I was sat there all alone looking at the empty chair and listening to his loud, continuous wails coming from his room.

Was this real? She couldn't be mine, could she? I couldn't have a child all this time and not know. I propped my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands and cried.

I wasn't sure what to do or where to go. I wanted to be here for him but I wanted to give him his space, but overall I just didn't want him to hate me.

I just sat there and pulled up the picture again. The more I looked at it, the more it seemed like a photo of a dad and his daughter. If she was mine how could Allie have been so cold to never have told me? That means I missed naming her, making bottles, changing diapers rocking her and playing with her, watching her just grow. Those were all things I had dreamed of doing with Phil one day when we decided to adopt. I wiped my tears on my sleeve and decided to find Allie on social media.

I finally found her on Facebook with the same surname as she always had. I sent her a friends request and took a deep breath. I began looking through what photos I could see, there were only a few of Megan and one was from when she was maybe one or so, she looked exactly like I had.
I dropped my phone onto my lap and tried to take some shaky breaths but it had just made me burst into tears again.

My phone buzzed and I tried to collect myself before I picked it back up and saw that she had accepted the request and sent me a message.

"Why did you send me a friends request?" She asked.

"So I could talk to you." I sent back.

"About what?" She instantly replied.

"I don't know how to ask this or even if there's a good way, but is Megan mine?" I sent.

"No." She sent back once again instantly.

"When's her birthday?" I asked.

"Dan, this is ridiculous." She said after a moment "she's not yours."

I was about to give up when what she said earlier ran through my mind "Some people aren't ready for children." Maybe this was why she was possibly lying, she never thought I was ready. I felt angry, no one could decide that for me.

"The numbers add up, Prove me wrong." I sent back.

"Don't do this, Dan. Why won't you just believe me? How did I know you'd do this some day if I ever ran into you?" She asked.

"She looked exactly as I did when I was small and acts the exact same way. I'm telling you she's mine." At this point I knew it in my heart and I knew that she knew too.

"Don't ruin you're relationship with Phil and your job." She replied.

"I've already told him and fuck everything else. How could you not tell me? I should of been the one to decide wether or not to be in my daughter's life or not. Because of this I've missed so much."

"And you're going to miss the rest, she's not yours." I felt so frustrated because I knew she was mine.

"Allie, I swear to god I will take you to court. I have the money to pay for a layer twice as better than any other in London. Megan said you work too much and I'm always home so I swear if you don't tell me the truth and let me see my daughter you won't have her anymore." I hated every word that I wrote out, but I had to do it.

"When do you want to see her? She's in school five days a week! We're busy."

"Don't. Anytime I can then I will. I will get her from school if you let me, I'll take her to the park, I'll help her with homework, you'll never need a sitter again, I just want to see her."

"Tomorrow's Saturday and I have to work. Would you like me to drop her off at your house?" She said making my heart beat fast.

"Yes! Yes please." I said giving her my address.

"Please just don't tell her your her dad yet, for her, she needs to get use to you first." She said and I understood. You couldn't just drop news like that on a five year old all at once.

"Understood. What time?" I asked.

"Tomorrow morning around six." She replied. I normally didn't even wake up until noon or later, but I knew this was my one shot.

"Got it." I said back.

I then wondered how I was going to break this new news to Phil. This was going to be like salt in the wound for him.