Dan The Dad (Phan)

24

"There was this girl... who I've been meeting with..." He said and finally turned his blue eyes to look at me.

I knew instantly what this meant. Phil wasn't vengeful, no matter how awful or stupid I acted towards him. Could he really cheat on me with a female? There was no way, he hadn't even had an actual girlfriend before.

And then I thought about it. What I had done to him was bad enough for him to do that, for anyone to do that. I deserved it.

"You cheated on me to get back at me." I said as I felt my eyes well up with tears. "I should of seen this coming." I started to cry.

"Dan, just give me a moment to explain myself, I-"

"No. please save yourself the explanation. I deserved it, I've been putting you through so much." I cried.

"I didn't cheat." He said sending me into confusion and making me look back at him.

"What? Then what could be this bad?" I asked.

"It wasn't intended to be bad at first." He shook his head as his eyes went back down to his mug. "There was this girl, and she had tried everything to get in contact with me for some advice. She was a fan." He said and then sighed.

"I know it's a bad idea now, I see you working so hard to be a dad for Megan and I didn't know, I didn't know it took that much." He now said with a sigh.

"What are you on about? Can you please just tell me?!" I said feeling like he was avoiding the point.

"This sixteen year old girl had just found out she was pregnant, and she lives here in London. I had a long conversation with her and that turned into more and more long conversations. She's a nice girl and I felt bad. You and I had just had that conversation about having children and I had already been thinking about it."

"Phil." I said sternly as realization set in. "don't say you..." I just knew.

"She was just going to terminate it Dan!" He said defensively and desperately.

"Just-just go on with your story." I sighed and now held my face in my hand feeling stressed.

"Well I met up with her and... We signed this thing saying she would give me the baby and I would give her twelve thousand pounds before it was born and we would never speak of it again. She initially didn't want any money but I thought it would be nice to get her on her feet." He trailed off at the end.

"When were you even going to tell me this! No, what did you even think I'd say?! Did you Honestly expect me to be thrilled to you bringing a random baby home like it's one of your house plants?!" I was definitely upset with him.

"I-I don't really know what I was thinking, maybe I thought you would be happy. I was going to tell you, before Megan, but then that whole thing happened and I didn't know what to do. I got mad and I was scared and I should've just told you then." He admitted.

"Oh my god Phil." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Was this like a legal document?" I asked and he nodded like a scolded puppy. "How far along is she?" I asked wanting to know how much time we had to sort this out.

"Eight months." He said quietly as he looked at me like he really was sorry.

"We don't have a crib! We don't have clothes or nappies! Or baby toys or baby wash or shampoo or towels or god knows whatever else an infant needs! How do we even take care of one?! Neither of us can even change one and we're supposedly having this baby in a month or less! It could literally be here anytime Phil!" I was breathing heavily and by brain spun. This was an awful situation. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not even entertaining this harebrained, ludicrous, ill-conceived, senseless idea for even a millisecond! I just have no idea what we're going to do to stop it at this point."

"I mean, we can just get all that stuff." He suggested.

"What good will that be when we have no idea how to use it. We can get all the nappies we like but if we can't change one then there's the real problem."

"We- we could maybe look it all up...?"

"We literally have barely any time to figure all this out! There no way. And secondly couldn't you of just gave her the number of an adoption agency? Like?" I was confused by his thought process in this "She said she didn't want to have it at all, so shame on you for paying a child as a bribe to keep a baby so you could have it! She's a child! I couldn't even imagine how upset I'd be at Megan if she did this ten years down the road!" I said and came to a horrible realization "Oh, dear lord, she's only eleven years older than Megan, oh god."

"I'm sorry." Phil squeaked.

"What are we even doing?" I stared at the white wall of the lounge "our lives are a mess." This was even harder to accept than the notion of Phil cheating on me with a woman somehow. "We've got to fix this, there had to be a way to stop it. She can keep the money, we just can't..." I felt absolutely stunned.

"I... I don't think that's possible. I'll just take the baby." He said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You don't seem to want him, and it's my mistake anyway so I'll just accept responsibility for him. Megan alone seems like enough stress for you."

"Phil, you can't raise a baby alone." I pointed out. "We're in all of this together, your stupid decisions are mine just you've already accepted mine as yours. I don't know what we're going to do with a baby but I don't really think we have another choice but to take it. Just please, can we not bring home any more children, like ever?" He asked actually making him give a small laugh.

"Yeah." He agreed.

"I don't know what we're going to tell fans, I was waiting until Megan would be legally ours to say anything but now we have this baby coming. This is all seriously a lot of pressure." I still felt frustrated with Phil but I had to be there for him like he was now with me, we were a team. I just couldn't help but feel as though we were both so far in over our heads.

"Just tell them about the baby first... or maybe we can just wait all together until she is legally ours?"

"I don't know, we'll figure it out, but now we need to head out to fill out some paperwork." I said.

"I'll be quick about getting ready then." He said and hopped up from the couch leaving me alone with my thoughts as he got ready.

How exactly was I going to tell Megan about this? How would she react? Would this baby be her brother, I mean she didn't call Phil dad or anything. Maybe Phil and I should talk about it and how our family will work,

That is if we even got to keep Megan.
If we wouldn't keep her my soul would be absolutely crushed and I'm not sure how I would be able to handle a baby after that.

One little thing going wrong could possibly just ruin this whole family of a thing for us. And to be entirely honest, I still wasn't sure I was ready for any other child but Megan, my brain just didn't seem to be wanting to accept it.

I only loved Megan because I thought she was mine and I saw myself in her. Call me a hypocrite but I didn't know if I could do the same with a baby that shared neither mine nor Phil's characteristics or genetics. You think it's easy when you say those things to other people, but when you're actually put in the situation it's a lot harder to accept.

Maybe it would of been easier if Phil would of just cheated and knocked some girl up. I'd be able yo see him in the the baby and maybe it would be easier to love.