Dan The Dad (Phan)

11

I plopped back onto the couch and I sighed. This was hard, and being Danisnotonfire made things even harder.

"Hey." Phil said quietly as he walked into the living room and sat down beside me.

"Hey." I said sadly.

"I don't like her, I don't even see how you could have slept with her." He said jokingly.

"Well to be fair I don't really remember it and it was only once." I said "I can't stand her either." I sighed. "I'm still really really sorry... I-I'm just trying to make the best of all this." I said

"I know." Was all he said.

"Why did you come home? I wouldn't of if I were you." I told him "I'm an awful person and an awful dad."

"You're not that bad of a bad dad. And... And I guess I wanted to see what she looked like." He said. "She looks nothing like her mother." He said sadly and put his head into his hands and he was quite for a moment before he sniffled. "She just looks so much like you... And I-I can't hate her because she's just a baby and she looks like you, she has parts of you, the man I love... I don't know... It hurts to look at her and think about what happened and what she means."

"Phil, she doesn't mean anything, she's just a baby. But I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore because of this, and I understand that this is my daughter and that you never asked for this. But I need you to know that I'll choose her over anything or anyone, I love you and I'll always love you but don't make me choose." I said letting him know upfront that this was how it was going to be but I also hoped he wouldn't have to make me choose, and that I could have them both as a part of my life.

"I understand that and I've thought about it... A lot." He said as he now raised his head but gazed down at the floor.

"And?..." I asked impatiently.

"I don't know... I guess I just don't want to be part of this." I felt my heart drop break again as I sat there in shock by Phil's decision. "I just... I never saw it happening like this... She's not our baby... We never got to raise her to this point or teach her to walk or even name her. She's the result of your unfaithfulness to me and I just can't be happy about it or make myself want to be part of it." He said. I didn't know what to do or say, this was it, this was how it ended. I went from dumbfounded straight through sad and right to angry. If he was in this situation I would be there for him. My daughter was just a little girl and it wasn't her fault how she was made or by who, what happened was a long time ago. How could he just let go of me like that? How could he just forget about all the little happy memories and not want to be with me over this? Especially since we already planned to have children someday.

"Okay, so help me understand this." I said feeling the anger bubble within me "If we were going to adopt you wouldn't of wanted a child? You did say she wasn't our child? What exactly is stopping her from being our child?" I looked at him expectantly but he was just quiet so I continued. "Everyone always adopts the babies and the children always end up not adopted out, did you know that? So you're telling me that you wouldn't of wanted to adopt a child because you don't get to teach them how to walk or talk? That's just selfish. You say you love me and you can see that this little girl is part of me then why can't you love her too? If I would have known about her existence when she was a baby would you of wanted her then or are all these things just excuses because you never really wanted a family with me at all?" All the words, frustration, and anger poured from me. "Go ahead and go if you want, because I don't need you." I said. Phil angrily and silently glared at me with glassy eyes before he stood up from the couch and walked off. I waited for a while until I heard the entryway door slam before breaking down and crying. How would I even survive any of this without Phil?  The only reason I wanted a child in the first place was because I knew that me and Phil could do it together, we had always been better off as a team from the start.
Was this actually my life right now or some strange dream? How did all this happen so quickly.

I felt my phone vibrate and a hint of hope shot through me. Maybe it was Phil wanting to tell me he was wrong and wanting to apologize? My hope went away when I saw the call was from my mum. I wasn't in the mood to answer it, but I needed someone right now.

"Hello?" I sniffled.

"Are you alright Daniel?" My mum immediately noticed.

"No, Phil just told me he's done with me, I don't blame him though." I told her.

"Oh no. I say he'll eventually come around, it may not seem like it now, but I know him and so do you. Of course you made a mistake years ago,but you got something very beautiful from it. Sometimes I like to believe things happen for a reason wether it be your daughter or Phil breaking up with you. Life always has its silly little ways of working its self out." She said.

"Nothing feels like it's working out right now." I mumbled to her with a sniffle.

"Phil is just mad right now, but he loves you and I know he can learn to love Megan too. Speaking of, did you finally get to tell her?" She asked.

"Yeah, I told her." A smile crept across my face just remembering it "She cried she was so happy. I told her you were her nanna too. Phil got it on video if I can find out what he did with it." I said.

"Wow, what a confused boy." She muttered "So when do I get to see her again?"

"I don't really know, I've been working with her mother to get her to let me take her out. That woman is on my tits." I said.

"Daniel, don't talk about the mother of your child like that, no matter how awful she actually is." She scolded but I knew that she thought she probably didn't like her either so far. "You're her father though and you should be allowed to spend time with her outside your flat. Or maybe we could come to you. I can bring over some dinner in a few days and we can eat at your house. If I get to see my granddaughter I'll even do the dishes." She offered.

"How did dad and Adrian take it?" I asked assuming since she already knew that she had told them both too.

"Well..." She trailed off.

"You haven't told them yet, have you?" I asked.

"No, not exactly... At all... I thought you would like to." She said nervously.

"You know I don't want to. Why can't you just tell them?" I whined.

"Because it's your child Dan."

"Fine." I huffed. "I'll tell them... At dinner in a few days. How's 6pm? Okay, good. Bye mum." I said and hung up the phone before she could sucker me into meeting with them before then and telling them.

I knew telling your family about a kid you didn't even know you had would be hard, however when my mum just simply found out, it made it a lot easier. So that's what I was going to do, just let them find out when they get here and be like "Surprise! I have a kid!" Yeah, this was going to go real well.