Dan The Dad (Phan)

14

I heard sounds bringing me out of my sleep only enough to recognize that they were sounds, not what they were or where they were coming from. I was tired, I had been up all night crying and bathing in my self pity again. If it was a burglar they could have what they wanted and murder me for all I cared, I wasn't getting up.

I woke up again to another sound, only this one wasn't like the first it was familiar, lite and quiet and I found it to be sort of soothing and melodic to me and it had almost eased me back into sleep. The sound seemed almost as if it was supposed to be there, as if it belonged there, as if it had always been there. I was curious, I rolled out of bed with my eyes still partially closed and tried to follow the sound to its source, I didn't have to go far.

I stood there in complete shock and wondered if I was dreaming as I looked at Phil asleep in his bed wrapped in his colorful duvet snoring away. The snores were what I had been hearing, the same snores I was use to falling asleep to and waking up in the morning to every day.
I just stood there trying to wake up enough to make sure he was really there. I thought about climbing in to bed with him like my body so desperately wanted to, but I felt lucky enough that he was here and I didn't want him to get up and leave. I walked into the kitchen and noticed how the whole flat was bathed in an orange morning glow coming from the windows, it was something I hadn't seen in a very long time. The light reminded me of the mornings I would wake up before Phil and make him breakfast, so that's what I decided to do, no matter how tired I still was.

I made eggs, cereal, pancakes, French toast, fruit and toasted crumpets with butter along with some orange juice and coffee. I made that breakfast like my world depended on it, and it literally might have. I carried the tray of food to his room and stood there by his bed for a second bracing myself for him to possibly still be mad at me.

"Philu? Philip? Phillie?" I said causing him to move a little before turning his head to look at me.

"I noticed you were here, so I made every breakfast." I said and held the tray out towards him as an offering. He gave me a funny look before grabbing his glasses where he always kept them on the bedside table and put them on. He sat up in bed and gave the tray another look.

"Oh my god. That must have taken you ages to make all of this." He said and then looked up at me.

"It did, but it was worth it." I replied and put the tray down across his lap.

"Thank you." He said clearing the amazement and happiness out of his voice. I could tell he was struggling, he would break soon if he missed me at least half as much as I missed him. I waited for a moment for him to say something or offer for me to sit and talk, but he just picked up his silverware and silently started eating and ignored my presence.

I let that one go and decided to try again, I had to do something else, something bigger.
The stupidest idea I could think of crept into my mind and I decided to immediately act on it. I threw on a jacket and called through the flat that I'd be back in a bit, I didn't care wether he cared when I'd be back.
First I stopped at Asda and quickly got a trolley because I was on a mission and there was nothing that could stop me. I sped to the garden part of the store and started loading in every fern, succulent, flower, bush and small tree I could find into the trolley. I then went to the children's section and started piling in stuffed animals and then I piled in chocolate, I didn't give a single fuck. I went to check out and the young cashier said nothing, it honestly seemed like she hated her job more than I hated my life right now. It took forever to check out compared to the short time I had zipped through the store and got all these items. The total was staggering, but I still didn't care at all. I got a taxi and loaded the insane items in. I had to pay the driver by reaching my arm between two ferns and a large flower bush on my lap with my face totally eclipsed by the plants. I was thankful that he didn't ask any questions either.
I quietly and quickly packed everything up the stairs in the flat, it took me a few trips back and forth, and I was completely out of breath but I somehow managed it. I quietly tiptoed to Phil's room and saw that he had went back to sleep.

I began moving the plants from the hall and transferring them to his room around his bed. I was careful not to even breathe too hard in fear that I might wake him. I then gently filled his bed with the stuffed animals and chocolate around where he slept. It was like a fucking James Bond mission placing everything, my forehead was pouring sweat, it was harrowing to say the least.
I stood at the foot of his bed at the little gap I had made for myself amongst the plants and wonderd how to wake him up. I decided to settle for:
"Hey, wake up!"

He groaned but sat up in his bed and reached once again for his glasses. He squinted sleepily at all the plants and looked down to see his bed covered in boxes of chocolate and stuffed animals.

"I love you." I told him "more than this, more than myself and all I've ever really known as an adult is my love for you."

"Dan, what are we going to do with all these-"

"Whatever you want. I've never been supportive enough of you with all your silly things like your plants and your stuffed animals that I make fun of you for having. But I'd rather have a life with a house overflowing with these things than a life without you. I even found myself watering these plants while you were gone just because I know how much they mean to you. I just wish you would do the same with the little thing that I love a lot." I said and I felt tears about to overflow from my eyes at any second.

"Dan." He sighed and looked at me sadly with his blue eyes, I knew this wasn't going to be good.

"Come here." He said and held out his arms to me making me slightly surprised. I cleared off a path in the bed as I crawled in. He wrapped his arms around me actually touching me for the first time in God only knows how long. It felt so comforting I couldn't help but just let my frustration, sadness, anger, and relief all out in the form of sobs and tears on his shoulder.

"I'm going to try, Dan." He said as I clung to him and he gently rubbed my back.

"Please, because I can't do this without you, I do t think I can be a dad without you. I can't make decisions like you can, I can't be as strong as you. I need you the most right now. Please forgive me for cheating on you with that bitch, it was so long ago and I don't even remember." I murmured into his shoulder.

"I've already forgiven you for that. It was mostly my own stubbornness that was in the way. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I left you here to suffer alone during the hardest time in your life, I should of been here for you no matter what." He said and squeezed me tightly. "I love you so much." He said quietly before kissing my tear covered cheek.

Every thing was going to be alright now, right?