Dan The Dad (Phan)

25

"Seven months?! Seven freaking months?!" I asked Phil in disbelief as I ignored a call from my mother. "Basically the whole pregnancy you've known about this and you've just neglected to tell me?" We had just gotten back home and I was on about the baby again.
I couldn't just let this go, it was huge and I couldn't just be like 'okay, let's have a baby that you didn't tell me about and that we aren't even in the slightest prepared for'

I was still stunned while Phil just seemed happy now that I said I was onboard, even though I wast really on board unwillingly.

He had his laptop out on his lap while I paced the lounge with my head swimming.

"Aww look at this lion crib bedding!" He cooed and turned the laptop around in my direction.

"We don't even have a crib! What are you doing?! You're actually a lunatic!"

"Just calm down. I'm sure we can get everything in time if we get it now." He said.

"I can't believe I agreed to this. Why did I agree to this?!" I groaned.

"I know this is a little hard for you to wrap your head around but-"

"How do We explain this to our families?! Or Megan? Like what would she even call him? Her brother? She doesn't even call you dad, I don't think she even fully knows what gay actually means! How is she going to react to this? This is too soon, it's all moving so quickly." I said.

"I'm sure Megan will be thrilled about it, she's a little girl and I think little girls love babies. We. An just invite both our families over at the same time, lump them together and tell them both at the same time." Phil said.

"My family already thinks I'm crazy with the whole Megan deal. I haven't even told my parents that she's not actually mine yet. I'm getting so tangled in all of this and it's just so confusing." I said as I continued to pace.

"Dan." He said firmly making me stop. "Breathe. Just take a deep breath. We can figure it out." He said.

"Yeah, I don't know. I really just don't know if we can figure this one out, it's just too much." I said doubtfully, but now calm.

"You're scared, aren't you? What are you scared of?" He asked seeing through me.

"Nothing other than all of the obvious." I lied.

"No, I know there's something else wrong." He pressed.

"There's not, I'm just fucking shook over the sudden surprise baby, okay?" My voice came off far more defensive than I had meant for it too. "I need to go get ready to get Megan." I said and just left the room before he could pressure me further about the subject. It might of come off as if I was mad at him, but I wasn't, I just wanted out of this whole situation.

To my surprise he followed me to the bathroom, but I ignored him as I got my hair straightener out and plugged it in.

"I think we should both sit down with her when you get home."

"No." I said. "I want to meet the girl first. Tomorrow, I want to meet her tomorrow. Could you set that up?" I asked him.

"She's been wanting to meet you for a while. She kind of doesn't know that you didn't know about all this." He admitted.

"Phil." I groaned "So the girl just thought I was just on board with this the whole time? Fine. Whatever. You know what? It doesn't matter at this point, everything's just inevitable."

"Holly. Her name is Holly. And why do you seem so frustrated? You wanted a baby, we're having a baby." He stated.

"Two babies. I now have two babies." I corrected him "I didn't asked for two, especially since currently one I'm going through hell for to try and keep."

"And the other you don't even want. Well, I want him. I don't like the way you put emphasis on you in that sentence either. Do you not think I care about Megan and I'm trying to be part of her life too?" He seemed upset now as he folded his arms over his chest. I was already feeling stressed about everything going on and maybe that's where my anger was coming from. Where ever it was coming from, it was now directed at him.
I put my hair straightener on the counter and turned around to look at him.

"Honestly, I don't. It's always me that gets her from school, it's always me that makes her eat her vegetables. She's not going to look at you as s father figure when all you do with her is the happy things like read fun stories before bed or watch movies with her. I'm the one who tells her to stop running in the house and I'm also the one planning her birthday while you run around behind my back and buy another child when you're only partial-fun time parent to the one that already lives here." I blurted out.

"It's not my fault she doesn't see me as a dad." He now seemed sad as hurt "The only reason she sees you as her dad is because you haven't told her the truth. It's not a lie like Santa or the Easter bunny, you're not lying to her for her at all, you're lying for you. Your lying because you're the one who wants to believe she's yours."

"I'm keeping it from her because she five, Phil!" I raised my voice at him. "And the test could actually of been wrong. How dare you say that this is for myself, how dare you assume that I only have her just to have a child or to spite you, or whatever the hell you're accusing me of! It doesn't even make any sense!"

"It makes perfect sense! You're being selfish to everyone including me! I'd like to have both of them but now that you've got Megan it suddenly doesn't matter what I want!" He yelled back making me let out a fake, dry laugh.

"Yeah, I'm being selfish." My words dripped with sarcasm.  "Because I'm the one who is paying a teenager for a baby she didn't want to keep, while going behind my boyfriends back to do so because I wanted a baby suddenly. Fuck my boyfriends feelings, fuck the poor girl who's still adjusting to living here, let's have a screaming baby, that'll solve everything." I said as he glared at me with cold blue eyes. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk and get my daughter from school in the cold, by myself even though I don't want to. Because that's what having children is about, not thinking of just yourself and doing things you don't want to do. You wouldn't know though." I said driving the nail into the coffin and pushing past him in the doorway.
The house was silent as I put my coat on and walked out the door.

I held Megan's small, gloved hand in mine as we walked. She kept bending down and scraping snow off the pavement and tossing it at me and at one point I did it back making her laugh.

"I think my teacher likes you." She said.

"How do you know?" I asked her.

"She asks me about you a lot. I told her you were gay." She said.

"You shouldn't tell people that." I told her.

"Why not? Is it a bad thing?" She asked.

"No, it just doesn't matter, there's a lot more important things that matter about a person like how nice they are or what they do for others." I said.

"Miss Pearson is very nice to me, she said I was a bright girl." Megan gave me a big toothy smile that made her dimples deep.

"That's the stuff that matters. You're a very bright girl. What do you think of Phil?" I asked her suddenly.

"I love Phil! He's the best! Yesterday he taught me a song to help me count by fives!" She said excitedly and began a song as little white puffs of breath came from her mouth as she sang.

I realized maybe I was wrong about what I said to Phil, he was trying. I should probably apologize for my stress getting the best of me.