Sparks

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

I shiver as I feel the rain pouring down my neck then slowly drizzling down my back.. I kneel down and brush my fingertips along the primroses that Peeta planted outside my house. I can't help but feel guilty. I could have done more to save everyone. Rue, Prim, Cinna, Finnick, and Mags. Everyone I love. And then theirs Gale. My best friend, whose moved away. So I'm here with Haymitch and Peeta.

Peeta... Peeta... the boy whose loved and watched over me since I was eleven. Who kept me alive in the games. Then traumatized by the capitol, thinking that I was a demon to him. Until he worked his way back to loving me. He still has little attacks every now in then. Not with me, but with himself. He'll get deep in thought, trying to remember everything, then getting too far ahead of himself and freaking out. He's still able to hold me in his arms, kiss me every now in then, but when it comes to kids, I have a feeling that won't happen for a while. We aren't married yet. We are waiting for Peeta to be fully back until we do something.

I blink away the drops of rain from my eyelashes. Then I close them, trying to picture Prim, Prim being happy. Prim on the floor by the fire petting her horrifying cat, Buttercup who still lives here. Meowing by Prims door every morning. I've learned to get used to it, and so does Buttercup.

"Katniss?" I hear Peetas trembling voice from behind me.

I ignore him. I love Peeta, I just need this time.

"Katniss, come on inside. You'll get sick." He says. I can hear the worry in his voice and I know that I should go in before he starts to get worried even more.

"Okay. I'll be in a minute." I reassure him.

I hear his footsteps go back into the house.

I stand up and walk back into the house. I kick off my boots and put my coat up on the coat hook. I turn around to see Peeta in the hallway with his forehead on the wall, clenching his hands in fists, with his eyes tightly shut. He's having an attack. Careful not to disturb him, I start to tiptoe to the stairs.

"Katniss?" Peeta lifts his head and I freeze in place. His eyes wide and bloodshot. His hair ruffled.

"Yeah?" I respond.

He crosses over the floor to me and presses his lips to mine, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me in close. I wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. He presses his body up against mine and I feel something. This kiss was so passionate it reminded me of the kiss in the cave and on the beach Except both those kisses were interrupted by my head bleeding and lightening. But my head can't bleed now, and there wasn't any lightening going on inside our house so we had nothing stopping us, except Peetas insanity. But he was doing it. He was really giving me a loving, meaningful kiss that I have longed for ever since we were in the arena and I was trying to get back to him. That was a long time ago. I thought maybe this was it. This kiss would break his whole image of what he sees in me. He then pulls from me and looks me in the eyes. He's about to have an attack. But instead he hugs me. He hides his face in the drape of my hair. His hand goes to the back of my head, holding me in close.

"Katniss?" Peeta repeats.

"Yeah?" I say.

"Why is it so hard to love?" he asks. "Why am I not healed?"

"I don't know Peeta, but you and me we will fix this. You will be okay." I reassure him. "We will be okay."

We stand there in silence for a long time, just cherishing this quiet and still moment.

Even though his proposal on live t.v. wasn't real, and we didn't have to continue on our 'love' act, I still want to go through with it. All this love we share, it isn't just an act anymore. I do love Peeta. I do want to get married and I do want to have kids with him. But the thing is, he doesn't know how much I love him. He knows I love him, but not as much as he wants.