Dominika (Pale As Dead I) | COMPLETED

𝚜𝚒𝚡𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

┗━━━━━━━ ｄｅｅ ━━━━━━━┓
𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝟷𝟽, 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝟷:𝟹𝟶 𝚙.𝚖.

I rolled my eyes in frustration when I turned my back on Mr. Gutierrez. It was our study hall period and naabutan niya kami sa lobby ng Roku na nagkukwentuhan lang nila Amy, Emma, Helen, and Gwen. He asked me na pumunta sa Ichi para iabot yung files niya kay Mr. Dimaano. Nakakainis kasi ako pa yung napagdiskitahan niya. Si Emma kaya yung nag-skip ng class. Mamayang two pa ang study hall ng sophomores, eh.

So I did as he asked and pabalik na sana ako sa Roku when I saw Shishi walking down the main hallway. Pabalik na rin siya siguro sa building namin. Madadaanan niya ako or magkakasalubong kami. It depended on our walking speed.

So I chose to walk faster dahil nakita niya na rin ako. But it was a mistake kasi nagkasabay pa rin kami. Binilisan ko ulit ang lakad until I stopped kasi he called me.

"Oy."

He never called me by my name talaga.

Hinarap ko siya. "What?"

His hands were inside his hoodie's pockets. Kanina ko pa rin napansin that he did not bandage his wound sa cheekbone niya. His hair curled above his head like a small cloud. Ngumunguya rin siya ng gum. "Sa'n ka galing?"

"Ichi. Mr. Gutierrez asked me to bring some files for him."

Hindi siya nagsalita. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Napapansin ko na yung ibang students na napapadaan, nakatingin sa amin. I knew what was posted in Kurai Miwako kagabi. He did not outright reject me. Nakakainis yung headline na 'yon. But they swarmed like flies on that post. When I checked it this morning, halos yun na ang talk sa buong site instead na yung scandal na, literally, mas scandalous.

"Look, I'm sorry."

I had no idea why I said that. But it felt appropriate.

Hindi na naman siya kumibo.

"Sorry kasi nasali ka sa stupid game namin."

He scoffed. Bumagal din yung pagnguya niya. "Gusto mong tumambay mamaya?"

I almost heard the beating of my heart. Hindi na naman ako mapakali bigla. Gusto kong sumama sa kanya kasi sabi nga ni Gwen, baka may chance. Kaso bakit gano'n? Yung nakita ko sa kanila ni Amy kanina, nakakapanghina ng loob. I knew they were best friends. They were very open about that. But he carried her things. He laughed with her the way he never did with me.

If I went with him, would we laugh like that? I could try. God, I wanted to. Gusto ko siyang makasama. Saka yung kanina kay Amy, wala lang din naman sa akin 'yon. Saglit lang ako naapektuhan no'n. But knowing na malungkot lang din yung uuwian ko pagkatapos ng possibly masasayang oras na kasama siya, parang ayoko na agad. Why waste my time feeling happy for a while only for that happiness to be replaced by sadness a few hours later? I wanted to fall asleep happy. I did not want to fall asleep crying like I did last night and some nights.

Hanggang makatulog ako kagabi, all I could think of were the things I suffered after Zach left. Sana magkakaanak na kami. It was not ideal to be a parent at our age, but I loved him and that child. Ang daming 'what ifs' at panghihinayang.

No amount of apologies and pleading and tears could change what Zach did. No amount of hugs and reconciliation could take away the misery his coming back brought me. Araw-araw, yun ang mararamdaman ko hanggang sa masanay na ako. Bottom line, ang dami kong iniisip.

"What about practice?" I said. At least kung practice, I would not feel that sad na nawala yung saya ko na kasama siya kasi kailangan talaga namin 'yon. It was not a matter of want, but a matter of need. At least, kasama siya and mas productive. "Magpa-practice sila Gwen and Helen mamaya. Gusto mo rin bang mag-practice?"