bobcaygeon | j.r. and p.w.

prologue | the heart is cracked in two

{Pete} December 3rd, 2008

I made the biggest mistake of my life, watching all of it crumble and holding divorce papers. My eyes were watering and tears were pouring. The lawyer ruled I could get partial custody of my small son, and I was happy, for then.

But it was the best mistake. I remembered the eyes he had. Blue and full of wonder. He was 5 years younger, and had come over to visit his cousin for a few days. He had a voice like no other. He could sing like an angel and scream like no other. I knew that super well.

We talked absentmindedly about things. He talked about running away and making sure his girlfriend never knew what happened. I had dreams we'd one day be together, and I was married to someone else. I wanted that blue eyed wonder.

"Pete." Ashlee had sounded mad, angry and sharp. I hated when her voice was like that, I hated hated hated it. "What's this? Are you sleeping with my cousin from Vancouver??!! My sister caught you!" Ashlee laid out the photos on the table.

Caught, even after she'd sworn not to tell. I wanted nothing to do with Ashlee. I loved someone else and had tried for far too long.

"It was one time!" I said, exclaiming. "Ashlee, please...." My eyes stared at the ground. At the photos of my blue eyed wonder. I wanted him back here and to wipe the tears and to do all that.

"We are getting a divorce, Pete. I cannot tolerate knowing you doing that to this family and mine! Josh is a cousin by marriage and you sleep with someone who has gone through  worse shit than you? Get out of my life! You can have joint custody of Bronx. Now leave." I left that night, head in hands, laying in the swing for a few moments and deleting everything from my mind, swinging my legs and looking at the bright sky that I knew I wouldn't get back home in Chicago.

I messed up. I loved Josh Ramsay more than my own wife and I know that the world was against it all. I grabbed my wedding ring and tossed it at the door, seething at the mouth. If she wanted me gone, I would go.

I left, finding my own place. I had no way to contact Josh as the number he'd given me had been disconnected for
Some reason. Or he had a girlfriend. Every night I hoped a sign would come to me that I could live without that damn blue eyed wonder and I could live.

"You promise you won't cry when I move to Los Angeles?" I had asked him a long time ago.

"I promise." My blue eyed wonder spoke, and stared back at me with those ocean eyes.' He hated seeing me cry.

I just wish he would be here to wipe the tears. Or play with Bronx. How I wish he could know Bronx.

There was a secret in the midst.
You see, Bronx wasn't mine and Ashlee's. We faked the whole pregnancy. Bronx was my son, for sure. But my lips were sealed on you can guess who his other parent is.

Ashlee hated me because I found out that Josh had been born with a ability to carry a kid and we maybe messed up.We adopted Bronx and Ashlee adored Bronx but Bronx looked nothing like her. His blonde hair was from Josh. No one knew that was the reason Josh felt androgynous now, and we preferred to keep it from everyone.

Little did I know, a chance encounter would result in something else. I needed to find Josh, even if it took years and time.

He didn't know Bronx because he never saw him. He didn't remember me. It had to have been too long.

---
A/N: Bronx is ten in 2016 in this.
--