bobcaygeon | j.r. and p.w.

seven | i was feeling sentimental

{Josh's POV) continuation of chapter five and the rest of chapter six. July 6th and August 14th are this chapter.

The quiet air in the tour bus as we gathered around the table, the manager not present. I'd told him to stay out of it, it wasn't business related, but I had to say this and I knew my bandmates would be happy.

"Josh?" Matt said, looking at me. "Whatever it is, if you need help, or if you want to confess something, we are all here. Me, Ian, and Mike. Please listen to us if we have any suggestions based on what you're about to say." Matt's words comforted me, he was one of my best friends after all and he was a really really good person. I enjoyed having him as a bandmate.

"Josh, even though you may be the most odd person we've ever met, you're odd in a cool way. Whatever you have to say we will not judge you." Ian spoke, looking to Mike. They probably all worried what I was gonna say would break up Marianas. I would never break up this band. We worked through our problems, and found help, and now I hope my bandmates keep their word.

"I think I have an idea of what Josh is about to say. We had a private conversation, and Josh learned something. Josh you do not have to hide anything from us." Mike smiled brightly, another comforting tone in the room once he spoke. He was the mediator for a lot of the band arguments we had.

"I.... I don't think I have an interest in girls. I thought about Amanda and a lot of my love for her was aesthetic, the desire to forget that fuzzy memory of someone I couldn't remember fully. I don't know where I am exactly on the sexuality spectrum but I'm definitely homoflexible., I think. Some bullshit name but it fits me." I smiled a little, looking at my bandmates. they immediatedly got up and did something I would never expect.

They actually cheered. Apparently, Ian had a suspicion for a while I wasn't into girls and they were joking about it after. Matt kept saying he was gonna set me up with someone and I kept laughing and saying no.

"I'm waiting for the right dude. And before anyone asks, yeah... Had a night with Brennan after drinking." I smirked a little, looking at Matt who was on his phone. I just, I wanted to come out on social media, and what better way than to change my Twitter bio?

I opened up my phone, humming a little, editing my Twitter bio. I removed the word straight, and suddenly my mentions started to implode with thousands of mentions, asking why that word was removed.

"Jeez, can't no one enjoy that I'm finally comfortable sharing?" I tweeted, and everyone was super happy and sharing it. I'd heard about the fanbase theories. I honestly didn't realize myself, that I was mainly into dudes up until recently. I'm just repulsed by the idea of dating another girl, plus shit, I need cuddles sometimes.

I had closed my Twitter page when apparently, the guys dragged me by the arm to the front of the bus. "We're gonna go celebrate that Ramsay decided to finally come to terms with himself," Matt exclaimed which I had no part in and I hoped that the one person that knew hadn't told them.

After a while, it was showtime. I was concerned about fans making rude comments, but I got given some cool things, and a few "finally" comments. I had someone try to grab my ass and I was really not happy with that one (yikes). I got a few glances from everyone.

When it came time for the "private meet and greet," Mike seemed super excited for it because of who it was that was meeting us. The band was considering leaving Cherrytree Records because we'd had some issues with Astoria promotion, the US stores wouldn't promote it, and SPF80s wasn't really promoted in the US the way it should have been.

"Maybe we can get away from the cherry leeches," Matt said. As much as Cherrytree was good to us, they suddenly started cutting US royalties for Marianas Trench after we didn't release a album for about 4. They needed to get away from us and we needed to find a better label. Barely anyone got paid from Cherrytree's royalty stipulation.

"Yeah... But remember, this is a friendly thing." I said, hoping so far we'd find a better US label. We would always stay with 604 records, but we needed a better US label to support us. I hoped today would result in that.

"That's true." Ian said, "We've all got people to support and you're helping with your mom's stuff. We need better division of royalties within the band and with the label."

"We always get I think 25% each of the royalties. Marianas Trench gets 100% divided in four. Then they reduced mine to 10 because they said I got too much and now cherry got 15 of mine," I sighed and shrugged. This wasn't really a important conversation, sure, but it was a struggle for us to think about.

Then I found the eyes of the person we were meeting once we finally got in there, our eyes meeting. I immediatedly recognized his eyes but not his name or his face. I walked to him, gripping his arm. "I know you," I spoke quietly.

"How do you remember me?" The man who'd I'd always dreamed about, the one who I'd thought about for years was right here and asking if I remembered him.

"I don't remember anything beyond the word promise." I spoke, tears starting to cloud my eyes. "Do you know something I don't?" I asked, trying not to cry. That man was real and he was right here.

"We have a lot for me to talk to you about. Do you think we could catch up after the Los Angeles show in August?" Pete asked, I only know his name because I remembered it when I saw his eyes plus Matt and Mike and Ian were talking about him.

"Yeah, I guess we can. Maybe you can help me remember. " I smiled, knowing things would be better than normal, and knowing things would be better once I remembered.

The Los Angeles show came up and Pete came over to the hotel, and we decided to go for a walk to have a private conversation. "Josh, I remember this place.... I remember you. Do you remember cheating on Amanda with a man?" Pete asked and my heart started to flutter. Please don't let it be Pete I cheated with....

I caused his divorce and my bandmates would hate the hell out of me. They wouldn't accept this rockstar's mister anymore. "Yeah...." I shakily said, looking at Pete. More was returning to me. Blurry snippets of my last conversation with Pete.

"You seriously don't think we'll be together?" I felt terrible remembering that. But Pete was alone and I was alone.

I didn't really remember what happened next in the next few hours. I remembered lips on mine, I remembered all the passion I felt. Then I was hardly able to walk before the damn Los Angeles show so I had to after the show go back to the hotel. I didn't remember what happened because I was possibly inebriated and drunk, and my bandmates knew what I'd done.

"Josh, remember the Long Island incident?" Matt glared at me. "Please don't drink before the shows anymore. You know how it affects you and you blackout parts of the night." I had an issue where I ended up drinking too much a long long time ago.

"I think me and Pete slept together. It was a haze, but I think we did." I sighed and stared at the wall. "Matt, I think he was the one I cheated on Amanda with."

"Ten years ago? Josh, we all knew who you'd cheated with. You'd told us and freaked out. When you lost your memory of 2006, you couldn't remember a thing about a Pete. So please remember we didn't tell you to protect you. Besides, you're being sentimental." Matt laughed, and I smiled back at him. "You seem happier now that you have him around. You two gonna end up dating?"

"I hope so. He's really nice. Apparently has a ten year old kid." I smiled a little. "I wouldn't mind marrying him, honestly. He was nice to me in the past, he told me." I grinned a lot, and smiled. "But I'm just a sentimentalist."

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Awwww.
This was a big two day chapter.
Told ya it was worth the wait.