bobcaygeon | j.r. and p.w.

ten || maybe not the way we thought we planned | part one

{Pete's POV} October 3rd, 2016.

Josh must be feeling awful today, I thought to myself, looking at Bronx. Bronx had repeatedly asked where Josh was and I didn't want to explain what had happened.

I never told Bronx.
I decided not to. Josh had ran off and I got distracted. I threw the frisbee to my son, who I started to see a lot of me in.

Then I saw a blonde across the park, walking a black lab, and my heart started to hope; until I saw it was a girl and the lab was a boy. That was not Josh, I could see him in every thing I looked for.

I decided to not go look for Josh this month. Marianas Trench was overseas in the United Kingdom doing the European shows, and I was really really happy Josh was continuing to play music. The fans apparently had found out and I'd watched videos. Josh ended up laughing it off, starting to wear see through shirts.

I was happy for my Josh, and I was afraid he would hate me again. The last time I saw him was the back of his head, him getting onto a airplane back to Vancouver. It was so scary to know that Josh had all the choices in the world.

I swallowed my pride and decided to call Josh. My heart wasn't in this, I knew it but I needed to know he was doing okay today. "Josh?" I answered, hearing the faint voice on the other end answer.

"Pete.. I'm so so sorry." Josh blanketed out, "I'm sorry for how I acted a month and a half ago. I'm sorry for being a idiot and running out because I didn't realize you were not telling me to save me. Thanks for doing that for me. You're lucky I thought about it last night or we wouldn't be talking." Josh laughed and it sounded full of blossoms and light. It sounded like music, hearing my Josh's voice again. Would he really forgive me after what I'd done to him?

"Josh.... I know that apology is from someone who is emotionally not ready for all of this. I can't apologize because it's technically not our fault that that asshole hit your car in '06. So stop apologizing for something you didn't cause or do." I spoke, my words seeming kind of sharp and blunt. Bronx was downstairs playing video games again so I wasn't really in the mood to go and deal with a obviously not emotionally stable Josh.

The courage I had to have to say this too, my voice continuing. "I want you to know that whatever you do in life will always mean the most to me and II do not deserve you. You deserve happiness and not to be wrapped up into my own hectic life, my own hectic acts and motions in the world of music. You're a singer, and today is the most painful day for you. Please get that I'd a accept your apology if you were emotionally sound to give it. Focus on how happy you are without me. I'm sorry." I was sniffling, hanging up the phone, wiping my eyes. He would always be the one I loved, but today he had to let go of the past and I couldn't ruin his day. He had a show. He couldn't be hung up on me, and I couldn't feel the need to go after him.

I had to be strong and try to forget Josh.