Not A Decision ✓

55. Conversation

Kenzie

"Kenzie...Could I talk with you?"

I stopped in my tracks. I looked at Louis for some form of escape. But since he's Louis, he bypassed the obvious and nudged me to go ahead. I turned around towards where the sound of the voice came from. If my teacher from school saw me now she'd say, "If you walk any slower you'd be walking backwards." If only.

As the proximity between us lessened I did my best to stay calm. I watched as he leaned back on the entrance of what would be his room, his hair a mess, he must have passed his hands various times through it. His face was flushed, and he kept his stare on the floor.

"You wanted to talk?" I questioned. I stop a couple of feet away from him. Space was eminent, we both needed it now. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah- I- I- " Liam stammered. Though he had only spoken few words his stare laid on the floor.

"If we're going to have a conversation Liam I want you to look at me," I said and my hand went forth and tilted his chin up. He looked at me. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. I didn't need to hear them to know what he needed.

I deliberately walked forward mindlessly counting the steps. My arms that laid by my sides slowly and hesitantly rose, and opened just enough to encircle them around him. His arms came around me the moment I neared him. He pressed me close to his chest. No matter how much I tried to keep myself numb the feeling were getting stronger. My efforts to keep them down were becoming useless.

"I'm sorry," Liam murmured into my hair. The comfort that overwhelmed me was familiar and just what I needed. It brought me ease.

"For what?" I trusted myself to say. There were so many things running through my mind. The fact I was planning on leaving them. The fact I wasn't going to tell them that.

"Exploding, blaming this on you," Liam held me tight against him as if I would slip away from his hold.

"I guess that means I have to accept your apology," I tried to joke. We both laughed awkwardly.

What happened to the "I'm going to leave them because I have too," my conscience taunted me. I was a coward, a hypocrite because I couldn't even keep my own words. Here I still stood with the boys, with Liam letting them back in and I had no control over it.

"Guys, I've got the guns, we'll decide the teams in the living room," Louis came jogging past with a mischievous smile that meant he had already thought the whole game through.

"Okay we'll be there in a second," I yelled after him. Louis just continued to laugh like a maniac. I pulled back a bit just to take a look at Liam. His deep brown eyes stared down at me, emotions swirling like a storm.

"Are sure you're fine, we can tell them to wait up," I said. Liam just gave me a sweet smile.

"I'll be fine as long as you promise to never leave us, just promise me that," Liam murmured. My eyes stood locked on his. Was he serious?

You see, Ken, what you do to yourself. Tssk, tssk, tssk. Go ahead and break the guys heart. In the end wasn't it what you wanted.

My eyes wavered and I just pressed my cheek against his chest. I couldn't lie to him. But that meant I would be lying to myself. To tell Liam that I couldn't promise that meant to break his heart, meant that I didn't love. It meant leaving them had no affect on my. That was a lie and I couldn't do it.

"I promise, Li that I won't ever leave you," I stared up at him and I could see the tears brimming.

"Thank you love," Liam slowly leaned down and placed a kiss on my cheek. My words held a greater meaning for him and I let myself dwell in the bliss the words brought me even if I was having an internal battle with myself.