A Dragonfly's Dream

Chapter VI - A kiss is just a kiss

DREAM JOURNAL

A kiss is just a kiss

We were talking. At first we were just friends and then suddenly he kissed me.

"I should have done this a long time ago. " He said.

...............

My first "real" kiss was Andy. I had liked him since our freshman year of law school. He was so darned smart, and there was something in the way he spoke that made him sound ---regal. He commanded respect not because he was scary or intimidating, but because he spoke with so much dignity. It made you feel like you were dealing with royalty. He never spoke in the vernacular. He always spoke in English. In fact, he was not well-versed in Tagalog, and I found that quite weird and somewhat disturbing since he grew up in the Philippines. "We only speak English at home." He would often say proudly.

Why was I attracted to him the first place? Ah, his eyes! Yes. They were a shade of hazel brown and they gazed at you with such penetrating intensity. It made you wonder if he could actually read your mind. It gave the illusion of depth. I did wonder if there was a deep side to him, some sort of hidden dimension to his character. It made me curious.

Whatever it was, I wanted to figure it out.

"Andy have you read the case of Aberca vs Ver?" I asked one day as a bunch of us in class were discussing cases in the hallway. It was really difficult to finish reading all the assigned cases. Discussing cases like this was a truly helpful common occurrence in law school. Andy read it, of course. There was hardly ever a case he didn't read.

I listened as he spoke and explained the case exuberantly, and then, I noticed something. "Hey...your eyes seem different today." I observed, noticing that he had black eyes, instead of the usual hazel brown.

"Oh, yeah. I'm not wearing my contacts." He answered casually.

"You mean you wear colored contacts???" I asked. He was truly the first guy I knew who wore colored contacts.

"Yeah. It makes me look sharper and I think it increases my sex appeal." He winked.

I realized I'd been duped. Without his contact lenses, his eyes contained no depth at all! But alas, I'd been hooked! It was too late to turn back...

My first kiss? Oh, yes, let's get back to that. We were at the park. Finally, he had asked me out. We went to dine at some restaurant. I honestly couldn't remember where. Nor do I remember the conversation we had.

All I remember was that walk in the park afterwards. It was early in the evening. We got out of his car and took a stroll. I was ever so nervous and excited. This is it! The moment I had long been waiting for!

He took my hand and pulled me closer. My first kiss...

"That's funny..." I said, after our lips parted.

"Why?"

"There are no stars...""

"What?" He shook his head in confusion. He couldn't understand. Perhaps that should have been warning enough. I should have realized then that him not knowing what that meant indicated that he didn't have that "hidden depth" that got me so drawn to him like a stupid, delusional moth to a flame. "Nothing." I smiled. "It's nothing.

The kiss, just like his eyes...they all seemed...artificial.

............

"So, how was it?" Gail asked, the following night. That was the thing about being roommates. There was absolutely no way I could escape without her prodding me to spill out what happened.

I had always dreamed of how my first kiss would be. I had looked forward to it since I was a kid when I read about Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and all these other fairy tale princesses whose passion got awakened by one hot kiss. "It's not like how it is in the books."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well...the books say there will be fireworks, that it will be an explosive moment." I answered. "But, there was no magic. It was just ---wet."

Gail laughed at this. "You read too many books, that's why."

"Yeah." I was disappointed. I had built up that moment to be something so grand that I'm still reeling from how bland it all was. "I was so looking forward to it."

"Hey..." Gail said, and this time, her face was serious. "Don't focus too much on this. This doesn't matter. What matters is how the two of you will handle the relationship."

I smiled. "I guess you're right. I mean, I've liked Andy for about a year now. I've spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking and obsessing about him. I should be ecstatic." The thing that bothered me, however, was that I actually had to tell myself to be ecstatic.

"Yep. And, speaking of which, it's time to celebrate! Wooohooooo! Lyssa has finally got a boyfriend! How about let's go to our favorite chocolate place?" Gail said, already taking the car keys.

"Sounds enchanting."

..................

Andy was silent as he drove me back to my boarding house.

Finally, we got there. He looked at me sadly. "Look, if you decide to leave me now, I want you to know that I would understand."

He had introduced me to his family. I could still imagine the whole dinner affair --- It was a catastrophe! Andy's family was every bit as pompous as him. I recalled the evening, and it was just horrible...

"So, where are you from, hija? From what school did you graduate?" his mom asked. She was smiling of course, but I could sense it was not really a friendly, but rather a scrutinizing question. Andy came from a well-known rich family--- the Legardas. They were a part of the truly elite in Philippine society, who were a class of their own. If you didn't belong in their small world, well, then you didn't belong.

"I graduated from La Salle." I answered timidly.

Her nose crinkled a little. As though she didn't quite like the scent of something but was trying to keep her opinion of it hidden. "Oh, yes, I guess that school is okay too."

"Mama thinks anyone who's not from Assumption has no class." That was Binky, Andy's ever so spoiled younger sister.

"Binks, stop being rude!" Andy snapped.

"I'm only being honest." Binky insisted. Although, like her mother, there was an underlying maliciousness in the supposedly innocent protest.

"Binky is just kidding, hija." His mom said, though there was something in the tone of her voice that told me just the opposite.

Andy sighed as I looked at him from across the table. As the evening progressed from bad to worse with Andy's mother all but subtly telling me I wasn't good enough for her little family, all I really wanted was to go home.

Maybe I should have left. See, this was one of those little detour signs from the universe that I should have taken heed to. That night in the car, when he gave me the option to leave, maybe I should have. I didn't though. I was too afraid.

"I'll stay."

We kissed.

And it still felt wrong.