A Dragonfly's Dream

Chapter XXII - A story of their own

A story of their own

We were reminiscing high school, and talking about a book. It was a book that took you to another world.

And then, we became the characters in the book.

..........

"Are you sure it's okay with her?" I asked, as Rod parked his car in front of James' house. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever think I would one day get a glimpse of it. Or that I would set foot inside. Or that Rod would be the one to take me there!

"Yes, I've talked to her already." He turned off the engine and got the keys.

"What exactly did you say?" I asked, nervously. I felt nervous about meeting James' mother. That was so ridiculous, I know.

"I told her that James always liked you, and that before he died, he wanted me to let you know.

We got out of the car and stood in front of their gate. Rod rang the bell. Here goes nothing.

..................

I remember the last time I saw James' mother. It was way back during our high school graduation, as I watched them talking from afar.

She was much older when she welcomed us in, but I could still recognize the woman I saw many years ago. She had short, curly hair, and a face that was both kind and patient. I could see where James got his eyes.

"So, you're Lyssa. Rod told me all about you."

"Yes, ma'am, I know this is really weird. Thank you for being so accommodating."

It was a big house. Their living room was quite spacious. And there was something about it that radiated calm. The walls were painted light blue, and there was a staircase leading to the second floor. Something about the house resonated with me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps it was the statue of Apollo on the shelf, or the pictures of Egyptian pharaohs hanging on the walls. Whatever it was, it spoke to my heart. It was quite surprising actually. I never imagined someone as active and as prone to mischief as James growing up in such a calm and peaceful place.

"Oh, please, stop being so formal. You can call me tita Jaline. Rod is like a second son to me. He grew up with James, and he's pretty much an extension of the family." She looked at Rod and winked. "The two of them gave me such a headache with their pranks."

I just had to agree with that. "Yes, I can imagine. Thank you, tita."

Once again she looked at me. "He has some photos up in his room. You can have a look them if you like."

..................

Take as long as you want, hija.

I looked around unbelievably. This used to be his room. The walls were a shade of light blue. His college graduation picture hung on the wall. There was a wooden study table near the door. Knowing how allergic he was to books though, I did wonder if he actually ever used it for studying. I opened the big, white closet that still contained some of his clothes and other belongings. I touched some of his shirts, and closed my eyes, pretending as though, for a moment, being in this room somehow took me back in time.

I sat on the bed. His bed. This was where he grew up in. Where he slept. Nobody occupied that room anymore. Although sometimes, if they had guests, tita Jaline would let them sleep there. Otherwise, it was kept clean and the sheets were neatly folded. Then, I remembered what she said earlier--- about how James' photos, notebooks, and other stuff were neatly tucked in one of the drawers.

I opened the drawers and searched for his albums. I browsed his photos. Outside, Rod was busy talking to James' mom.

The photos were old, and it felt as though they belonged to another lifetime. I remember that time, of course. It was a time when all that I ever wanted was for high school to be over. And yet, being in this vacant room, I realized that all I wanted was to go back.

"My mom's great isn't she?"

I looked up to see James watching me. Seeing him there, well, I was surprised, and at the same time, not really surprised. It was like, a part of me, expected him to show up. Somehow, I knew he would show up.

"Yeah, she is. And Rod. Well, I never expected him to be so --- nice."

He grinned. "I pestered him a lot in his dreams. I made sure you guys would meet at Svelle. " He looked at me curiously. "Why, what did you expect?"

I shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Maybe I expected to see the same sadistic boy who seemed to delight in seeing other people's misery at his bullying." I met his gaze. "Kind of like someone I know."

"Oh, come on, you're still not over that? It's been years!" He said, his eyes wide in shock.

I crossed my arms and shook my head firmly. "I can still remember everything as though it all happened yesterday..."

"You made me cry in class. You humiliated me, and made me the subject of ridicule! You made my high school life miserable. I'll never forget that. "

"Do you know that you look cute whenever you cry?"

I pinched him hard.

"What?" he said. His eyes were teasing again. "Hey, can I have some more of that?"

There was a gentle knock and Rod's voice was outside the door. "Lyssa, I got a sudden call from my mother and I really need to be somewhere. Sorry to cut you short but we have to leave in a few minutes. "

"Yeah, okay, I'll be out in five." I said out loud.

I turned my attention back to James. This time, I was more serious. "Look, I didn't come here to flirt." I sighed heavily. "Maya was right. I've thought about it and I realized that maybe the reason why none of my relationships had ever worked out is because ... we didn't have closure."

I realized that his mood had gone from light to serious because the air had suddenly gone cold. It was as though he had sucked all the warmth from the room. I could fill the chill within me. "What are you saying?" he asked.

I decided I would not let the coldness intimidate me. I was determined to tell him what I thought. I needed to wake up from the fantasy. "I think maybe the reason why none of my relationships ever worked out is because I never really wanted them to. Deep down, it was you I was looking for. I didn't want to replace you. I didn't want to be with anyone who could! And I can't live my life always looking for someone, or something, that I can never have. "

He was looking at me with an expression in his eyes that I was pretty sure I had never seen when he was alive. It looked like a combination of disappointment, hurt, and fear. Yes, there was fear in his eyes. He never said anything, but somehow I knew he didn't want me to leave him alone out in the cold.

"I want you to stop appearing in my dreams." I said, firmly. "I want to stop seeing you when I'm awake. I want to continue living! "

His eyes turned hard and I could feel the coldness creep into my spine. His shoulders slumped as though they carried the weight of the world. I hated seeing him like that. It was so different from the boy I had known in high school. It was so different and I hated myself for it but I had no choice! It was the sensible thing to do.

"I'll never let you go."

His words burned in my mind. I felt torn between relief and frustration. He should let me go. We should end all of this madness. That's what this whole thing was...madness!

I came closer to him and touched his face. I looked deep into his eyes. My gaze told him just how much I wanted to be with him. How much I wanted to turn back the clock to that time in my life when I had felt miserable as hell, but at least we were together.

A time when we were so close to happiness.

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