A Dragonfly's Dream

Chapter XVII- Light moments under a tree

DREAM JOURNAL

Light moments under a tree

I saw him walk past, and I followed him down the stairs. But he walked so fast, and when I got there, he was nowhere in sight!

I took shade under a tree. Then, I saw him not too far away.

" Where are the other students?" I asked.

"They can't go here." He said.

"Of course they can! I was able to go..." I said, smugly.

He smiled at this. "And so?"

.........

The days chased each other like rabbits. Time was like a thief that passed by unnoticed. It seemed just yesterday when I was nervous about the bar exam results, thinking I would never get to where I wanted to go. And then, suddenly two years had passed and I was a practicing lawyer.

I had gone to reside in Davao, somewhere down south of the archipelago where the beaches were great, and the paradise island of Samal was but a ferry boat away.

Davao had a lot more innocence about it than Manila would ever have. I decided to live there, because I wanted to get away from Manila, which to me was a picture of disillusionment everywhere. Well, and the other reason was the fact that most of my mother's relatives were from that region, and my mom wanted all of us to live closer to them.

The move felt both good and bad. It felt good, because it was far away from all the pollution, the heavy traffic, and the humid, sticky chaos. But on the other hand, I missed spending time with Maya, Charise and Gail. Don't get me wrong. Davao was great and all, and I got to know a lot of nice people. But I couldn't find new best friends. I don't know why. Maybe it was that being a lawyer, I had learned to put up this mask to hide my weaknesses and vulnerabilities --- lest they be used against me. Or maybe it was just that, as people grow older, we start making connections and developing networks, but stop having real friends.

Thus, whenever I went to Manila, I took every opportunity to meet up with the few people who actually knew the real me. It was quite ironic that the times when I would visit the cynical city was also my chance to take off the layers of defenses that had started to crystallize around me.

The last time I met up with Gail, we took a lovely stroll at the La Mesa Eco Park where we had a little halo halo, topped with delicious, purple ube, sweet leche flan, and loads of girl talk.

We talked about our old days in the batcave. She told me about how her sister finally gave her some respect ---and how she finally found true love! She glowed when she talked.

"So, you're finally going to Denmark?" I asked, a bit sadly.

Her fiancé was a Dutch citizen. "Yes, we're getting married. I want to settle down with him."

"But what about your law practice?"

"I'm sure I can figure out a way to do it."

"Yes, the important thing is that you want to be with each other." I agreed. But I was sad as well. "Hey, you ever wondered what happened to Jonnel?"

Gail laughed. I liked the sound of it. It wasn't hollow like many others I've heard. It was genuine and it rang with true happiness. "No, dear. I haven't bothered. I've forgiven him already." Yes, she was still Ms. forgive and forget, after all this time.

"I guess there's a reason for everything." I agreed.

Truth be told, I envied Gail. She had already found her reasons. The puzzles in her life had all fit together. Me? I was still looking for the answers. They seemed to take their time in showing themselves.

And as though she had read my mind, she said reassuringly, "Yours will be coming along real soon."

I sighed, not really believing that. I've unsuccessfully tried to date four other guys since Andy. Let's count...there was Francis the workaholic; Nick the suicidal; Cedric the chronic liar; and Jason, who I wasn't even attracted to! It was like, I was stuck in this dreadful cycle where I always chose the wrong guy who could never really love me or who I could never really fall in love with.

It was as if happiness simply eluded me...like a ghost!