January 24th, 2015

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January 24th, 2015

          "She noticed I was distant, and so the topic came up. Perhaps she already knew what I was worried about, that she was pregnant. I was freaking out, hardly able to discuss it, hardly able to ask her if there was a possibility that she could be pregnant. She smiled, but it was not a real smile. That scared me the most, because I thought she was disgusted by my reaction to the thought of her being pregnant. Surely she understands that I am just terrified of bringing a child into this twisted world. Maybe it is right for some people, but my life is not cohesive enough for that. I don't want that.

           And then she told me she knew that she wasn't pregnant. She did not tell me why, she did not tell me how she knew. As much as I want to believe her, I can't take that chance. So she promised me she would go to a clinic, just to confirm. I'm still worried that she is upset with me, for freaking out. If she... wants this... I just could not handle that."

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