night - joshler

the sun will rise

tyler lays down. his head placed next to josh's feet, and josh's head by his feet. and the two boys lay there. it's dark, so the room is only illuminated by a dim lamp. and they lay there. a calming silence filling the room.

"i want to believe." josh whispers.
tyler sits up slightly, looking at the boy with neon red hair.
"what?"
"i want to believe there's more life out there than just us. do you think maybe there is?"
"no."
josh sits up with tyler, and the two sit close. both with their legs crossed.
"you think you're all alone in this universe?"
tyler shrugs, "i already am."

josh lays back down, and tyler joins him, only this time they lay head to head.
"do you like being alone, ty?"
the smaller boy turns his head and looks at josh.
"i used too, but you've taught me otherwise. i'd rather spend my whole life with you than my whole life alone."

and josh smiles at this. he keeps it in mind.

-

the boys don't do anything else but watch old movies and eat four entire bags of popcorn. and eventually, tyler drifts off into a calming sleep. and josh follows him soon after. and tyler, being asleep, smiles. because he's being loved. and he craved the love that he's being given. and tyler is happy.

-

josh wakes up. his bright red hair is ratty and matted. and his breath reeks, but all that he's focused on is the boy that rested by him. on him, partially. tyler slept with his head and arms over josh's warm body. and josh smiles at this. he'd only known this mysterious boy for a couple of months, and already he loved him more than he'd ever love another person. and josh knew. right then and there. that this was the person he was going to spend his life with. tyler's face shined, from the light cutting through the blinds. he tries to take his face into full detail. he notices the way his eyelashes start blonde and end brown, and how his lips are slightly cracked as he breathes. he takes it all in. how gorgeous this boy really is.
and even though he's only known him for two and a half months, he can imagine him and tyler sitting on rocking chairs, eighty years old, holding hands, still in love.
and josh is happy.

tyler begins to stir, and josh smiles as his eyes flutter open.

"tyler."
"josh."
"good morning. did you sleep well?"
and tyler smiles.
"i did. i'm sorry for laying on you, you were warm,"
"don't worry," josh says as he holds tyler back to his chest. tyler relaxes and smiles.
and tyler is happy.

-

a week had passed.
tyler had never hurt as bad as he had then. it wasn't emotional pain, his "dad," wouldn't stop. tyler would've called the police, someone, by now. but he loved josh. he couldn't leave him. he couldn't.

so there he sat. alone. in his bathroom, the door locked. his legs wrapped in his arms. his body in a ball. his face, his arms, his chest ached from the punches and slaps and beatings tyler would regularly get.

it happened the most in the colder months. when no one would suspect the long sleeves. his dad wasn't stupid. he was just drunk.

'people have it worse,' is what he would tell himself. it made him feel better. kinda.

after a couple of months after meeting josh, they became attached. they would hang out every second of every day. josh's mother loved tyler, and thought he was an absolute angel. so he was always welcome. and josh, being an only child, never had any troubles.
and eventually his dad started getting suspicious.

he needed josh, so he stood up, unlocked the door, and quietly crept down the staircase.

"where are you going?" his dad says, getting up and walking towards him.

"a, a friends house."

"you've been going there a lot recently. is he your boyfriend? are you a faggot? just like i thought you'd be? god. i'm not surprised. your whole family was fucked up. can't believe we got you."

and tyler leaves. he walks out of the house. he tries to ignore everything his dad just said. and then he runs. he runs all the way to josh's house.

he walks inside, he doesn't bother knocking anymore. and he waves to josh's mom, who smiles widely at seeing him, and he runs upstairs, where josh is sat on his bed, reading another book.

"tyler!" he stands up and hugs the boy.
"well, red. you've sure got a lot going for you." tyler teases, referring to josh's bare chest.
"shit, im sorry. i haven't been outta my room all day. i forgot a shirt."
tyler blushes and smiles. "don't worry, seriously. don't."
josh chuckles. and suddenly becomes slightly serious.
"it's been a few days. i missed you a lot." he admits.
"i missed you too, josh. i hate leaving you."
josh presses his forehead against tyler's.
"don't leave again."
"i won't."

-

when tyler arrives back home, he walks in. no ones home, they're out at work. he runs up to his room, and looks at his calendar. he stares at it. and he debates whether not to wipe one specific date off.

'maybe josh really does care. maybe josh loves. maybe he's in love with me.'
all of these thoughts run through his mind.
voices of doubt and anxiety attempt to deny him of believing this. but tyler stands.
'josh hates you, it's fake.' the voices antagonize. tyler closes his eyes. and erases the date. quickly.

'commit.'