night - joshler

stay alive

tyler was a particularly sad human being. finding joy in harming himself, which resulted in obviously, hurting josh as well.

he had began to assume that sad was all he was ever going to be. the happy moments with josh seemed minuscule when compared to the hell he'd been living in. and his head continued to tell himself josh didn't care.
josh can't possibly feel the way tyler does.

he had an appointment to see doctor beck today, a dreaded and uneasy one. tyler hadn't been feeling the best recently. very far from the best.

he felt good about what happened a few nights ago. snuggling with josh until he fell asleep, feeling safe.

he really loves josh.

josh had seen all of his scars by this point. his self harm scars on his arms and legs, burns and bruises from his father, and now the tattoos that are scarred into his body.

and he was okay with it, he finally told someone. and he felt so much better.

tyler's adoptive father hadn't been doing the best recently. his drinking had caused him to have many, many issues with his liver. and he's been weaker than usual. tyler felt guilty, yet he couldn't help the small joy he got from seeing his father fall to the floor in pain right before he got a slap in the face for sitting on the remote and accidentally turning the channel.

-

"how are you, tyler?"

"you ask that question a lot."

doctor beck smiles.

"i wanna make sure you're always stable. that's my job, ty."

tyler fiddles with a pen, and glances up at the doctor.

"i'm good. i'm sad, but i've been working it out. i have josh now. and my dads weaker than usual, he's sick. lots of good things happening in the joseph household."

doctor beck scribbles down in his notepad, before he gives tyler a smile.

"i'm sorry to hear about your dad, even though i'm sure that's for the better. and i'm glad to hear things are going well with josh. want to talk about that?"

tyler just gushes. he could never refuse any time to talk about josh.

"i almost kissed him the other night. i love him. i really do."

"and he loves you?"

"i believe he does."

"and you're happy?"

"i believe i might be."

"well goddamn tyler." he slams his notepad shut. "you've made more progress in four months than you have in four years. your mother and father would be proud of you."

mother and father.

tyler hadn't thought about his real parents in a while, his adoptive dad sometimes uses it against him, but he hasn't recently.

"i miss them."

"i know you do. are you ready to talk about what happened."

a car crash. a late night the alexander family had been driving home from dallas. a long drive. it wasn't their fault, it wasn't. drunk drivers were high on the roads that night, and one just so happened to crash into tyler's car. his mother and father died on impact. his sister and brother both bled out some point in the night. the driver of the other vehicle died as well.

tyler still remembers crawling over his little sister to get to the passenger seat of the car, reaching into his mothers pocket and finding the phone, that was still intact. calling the police. hearing the sirens. his vision was blurry, something happening in the crash. he thought he saw a torch, a lighter, something. a flashlight. the police had arrived with a flashlight along with a number of ambulances and fire trucks.

tyler had no severe damage in the crash, only a broken leg and a concussion. his family didn't have the luck he did. it took tyler nine months in the system until he found a family to take him in. george and elizabeth joseph. he was twelve years old.

"all i feel i need to say about it is that i miss them, i love them, and i'm okay. i'm moving out soon and hopefully living with josh. everything is okay."

doctor beck smiles.

"good job, ty."