"I'm gonna go, Josh. I'd feel too bad if I didn't."
Josh sets down the book that he was focused on, and he looks at Tyler, as if he's attempting to read his eyes and see if he was lying.
he wasn't.
the older boy nods slowly, glancing over at the clock.
"do you wan to come with me?" Tyler says quietly.
Josh nods, a stern look gracing his face.
"It's in a couple hours, we best get ready?"
tyler nods, pulling a couple of joshs suits out of the closet.
"would this look nice?" Josh asks, glancing in the mirror as he says so, he turns to face Tyler eventually.
the other boy smiles slightly and nods, he turns and throws his hands out, wrapping Josh tightly in a hug.
"I love you." he whispers shakily in his ear.
"I love you more."
-
it just kinda smells like death. It feels, sounds, smells, feels like death. there isn't any other word to describe it.
when the pastor asks if anyone would like to say something, no one stands up.
everyone knew he was a horrible person.
he didn't deserve to have any words said.
but after a couple seconds, tyler stands up.
Josh grabs his hand, trying to pull him back down, but he sweeps it away.
"my dad. my dad- he was a horrible person. horrible to me and my mother. I don't know what we did to deserve it, but he was. but I think everyone deserves a few words. even if they're bad.
I won't ever forgive him for the things he did to me, I don't think anyone would. but I loved him. and I think he loved me too, in some sick twisted way. maybe he just didn't know how to show it. I feel like I'm trying to defend him right now, maybe you're thinking that too. I'm not. He was awful. To me, my mother and so many others. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. But. i wanted a dad you know? and this is what I got, and I'm starting to think this is what I deserve. I say that like I'm just starting to think that, no. I've thought that since the minute he laid a finger on me for the first time, when he gave me to that man. but no, id rather of died the first time he hit me than deal with everything I've dealt with. but of course im content with his death. I have to be if I want anyone to think I have any decency at all. but I usually think that no one deserves to die. but I'm afraid that here, things are a bit different. and that is certainly not the case."
he sits back down and lays his head on joshs shoulder.
"are you okay, baby?" Josh puts his hand on the young boys thigh.
Tyler nods, he doesn't let tears skip, he doesn't have any. his tears wore out a long time ago.
-
Tyler sighs and sinks a bit in his seat, sort of the same way his dad just sunk in the ground.
"it's okay." he whispers to himself repeatedly.
"Tyler."
"Josh"
"no tyler, what's wrong! you aren't telling me anything. it's been a week and you've barely spoken. what's going on?"
"they've gone away."
Joshs face looks awfully white, everything does. everything seems as if it's ten shades brighter.
"Josh!" Tyler gasps out, trying to breath, no oxygen coming in, he tries to scream but nothing but air comes out, the air that comes out but doesn't come back in.
the small boy falls out of his seat, kicking at the ground, shaking, wheezing. he can't breath. he can't breath. he can't breath.
no no no no.
this is not what he had planned.
gasoline
he smells gasoline.
where is coming from.
his hands.
this isn't real
this isn't real
this isn't real
no no no n o o o
n oo nec an lea vehi ma lo ne.
he lpm e
iv ebe en thi nk ingt oo mu ch
h el pme
YOU ARE READING
night - joshler
Fanfiction"i think back on things and see things in dark and light. every time i think about my house i imagine it being dark inside because it usually is, you know? everything's dark now." "then i know im going to be the first light you have in a while." ©️...
