night - joshler

stay alive for me

"tyler."

tyler turns, propping himself up on his arm.

"josh."

tyler lays his head back down, pressing his face into joshs chest.

josh runs his hand through Tyler's hair.

"why didn't you tell me about what he was doing to you?" he whispers.

"im only seventeen. they'll take me away if anyone knows. i don't wanna leave you."

josh squeezes his eyes shut, "I don't want you to hurt yourself for me."

Josh continues, "and I don't want you to hurt yourself for anyone else."

tyler sighs and focuses on the open window. the wind from outside makes he curtains flow softly and releases a cold breeze throughout the room. he feels goosebumps rising across his body.

tyler can't cry. he hasn't been able to for a while. the stress and overwhelming counts of anxiety make it hard for him to do so.

nonetheless, a sob leaves tylers lips. tears fall at an alarmingly fast rate. he tries to stop, he tries to breath. he can't.

josh sits up and rubs tylers back, tears slowly falling from his eyes as well.

the patterns josh draw on his back sooth the younger boy.

"you are lovely. so lovely. i love you, tyler. you're perfect, you're beautiful. i love everything about you. i will make you believe you are lovely. please stay alive."

josh looks at tyler after saying this. he softly puts his hands around tylers face, using his thumbs to wipe the tears.

"you're perfect, babe."
tyler looks at the red haired boy, turning his head down a bit. the red dye that adorned the older boys head had begun to fade to a cotton candy shade of pink. josh spoke about how he didn't like it, and it made him feel too feminine, but tyler couldn't help but feel warm every time he looked at it.
"im really not, josh. im simply, nothing. I feel like im here to suffer and cause myself and other people pain, and then just disappear."
josh looks at tyler. his heart aches at the pain in the younger boys head, and he doesn't wish for a better world for anyone. except tyler.

-

"he said I was perfect." the young boy says to the doctor.

"i can see how much he loves you, ty. that boy is probably the best thing to happen to you." the doctor places his glasses on the table and sighs. he looks over at tyler with a helpful glance and a warm smile.

"i truly believe things are getting better for you."

-

"who's jenna? your girlfriend?" tyler asks as he chuckles, glancing at who josh was texting.

josh smiles at the younger boy, seeing the comical look in his eyes.
"my cousin."

tyler snorts and starts laughing, josh joins him.

"don't laugh at me! I was just assuming! you obviously don't even actually like me." he jokes.  "she looks like the girl you were kissing in the picture."