night - joshler

Im Not

the bath water had started to become cold, it had gotten colder and colder until the boys lips were blue.
what once started out as hot, was now as cold as the boy himself felt.
his entire body ached, and he wished to just put a bit of warm water in the freezing tub.
but no.
it's worth it.
he takes a steak knife, a stupid choice, and lightly presses it to his wrist.

lightly, lightly, harder, harder, blood.
he repeats this process up both arms and down both legs until the freezing water is now stained with blood.

his head hurts. he feels floaty.

"Tyler. Tyler? oh god no. oh my god. Tyler, baby please."

Josh? is it Josh? does Josh feel floaty too?

Tyler feels Josh pulling him out of the tub, he watches as the pretty shade of red dances and swirls around. everything is blurry. he can barely see.
josh has a blurry face.

The arms carrying him and slippery because of the water, and he soon feels himself being wrapped in a towel, only to be picked up again and brought to the couch, josh hands the boy some clothes, and starts to put them on. he keeps the pants off though, and runs into the kitchen.

he comes back holding some gauze and rubbing alcohol.

tylers eyes feel so so heavy.

so so heavy.

everything is just swirly, his arms and legs burn. and he can't remember why.

he moves his arm slightly when Josh touches it to the alcohol. it burns even more. he cries out.

Josh plants a light kiss to the side of the boys head, letting his head rest in the crook of tylers neck for a split second.
he then goes back to wiping down every cut and wrapping them up.

Tyler struggles to keep his eyes open, he's only slightly aware of what's going on. but it's happened before. he has an idea.

-

Josh continues to steal small glances at the sleeping boy next to him as he moved his hand along the paper. the different paints mixing together form a somewhat brownish tint, a tint that seems to match the small coffee stain on the corner of the tan paper. but Josh doesn't mind. he just takes it all in. the beauty of this wonderful boy that he is oh, so lucky to call his. he watches as his hand moves, his mind seems to be blank, not doing any of the work. it's his hands. they move in such a beautiful way, thanks to Tyler.

Josh has always been the artsy type, but hasn't ever had the time to do it. he does now, he's spent the past two hours drawing the sleeping boy, he smiles slightly as the sunlight the peeks through the blinds hit tylers face.

beautiful streaks of brown and tan, specks of gold and silver line the paper. it has to be perfect. the painting must be perfect for this perfect boy.
he had never worked on something so hard in his life. Tyler was his muse, his inspiration. his mind would be lost without him.
the younger boy shuffles, but only slightly. Josh lets a small grin line his lips as he watches tylers small hands move, yet he cringes a bit when the sleeping boy flinches as his wrist rubs against the bed.

oh baby.

his beautiful baby boy has been hurting so much and he couldn't see it.
he felt absolutely awful.
his was kidding himself into thinking he was fine, and Tyler continued screaming and screaming and Josh plugged his ears.

he had planted the flowers in his lungs so he wouldn't be able to scream.

and he felt awful.

he had to pull the weeds, and this was how. this was it.

tylers eyes open, fluttering a few times.
he steals a quick smile from joshs face, grabbing the glass of water on the end table.

"josh."

"tyler."

"is that me?" he says in a low and somewhat raspy voice.

a pastel colour tinges joshs cheeks, he nods slightly, putting down his brush.

"it's beautiful."

Josh glances over at Tyler, he looks down at his lips, he wanted to kiss him so badly, he needed him. but he restrained himself. he held back.
Tyler pouted slightly at this, and Josh noticed.
therefor, he looks back over at Tyler, and he smiles.
he presses his soft lips to tylers. and everything seems to fit into place.
memories rush at him, back and forth, from when they first met until now. they've come so far, and to think it was only because of some stupid school party, into some poorly written and extremely cliche "band" rehearsal.
the cliche death.
the cliche sex.
the cliche kiss.
it's all so cliche.

it's too cliche, it doesn't seem to be real. even the consideration of it being cliche seems to be cliche.

but neither of the boys seemed to mind.

joshs heart was on fire and he could smell the gasoline on tylers hands.
he loved it.

just looking at Tyler made the whole world turn into beautiful shades of pink purple and yellow, he could feel the flowers blooming out of his eyes and mouth when Tyler spoke. he could feel the vines and leaves grow and wrap around his heart when Tyler laughed.

it was happiness. pure, unfiltered happiness. there was no other name for it. was there? is there a word bigger than happiness that can describe the way that Josh feels when talking to this beautiful boy?

he's an angel.

and it was euphoric.