night - joshler

You Will Die

four days.
just four more days.
four more days until tyler can be in josh's arms.
four more days until everything will be okay.

but today is not that day.

so there tyler sits, slitting his wrists, and slitting his mind along with it.

he doesn't love you
yes he does
no he doesn't
yes he does!
he doesn't
he does
he doesn't
he doesn't.

though tyler has been able to start identifying as to when things are real versus not real, he still lets it get the better of him.
it's easier being sad.
he likes being sad.
it makes life a little more bearable, sometimes.

"daddy!" tyler cries out with a wide smile on his face. he grasps his fathers hands and moves his arms up and down. he laughs, his dad chuckling along with him.

tyler's mother smiled while watching the four year old and her husband dancing, it was a good day. it was a good night.

"smoke gets in your eyes" was playing loudly on the old, worn radio, and the father and son had been twirling to it.

"you remind me of a former love, that i once knew," his dad sings, once the other song ends.

"we were holding hands walking through, the middle of the street it's fine with me," he continues
"if the sun would come and sing with me,"

tyler squints his eyes as his dad swings him around.
"you remind me of a few of my famous friends,"

the boys smile wider than they ever though they could.
"well that all depends, what you qualify as friends,"

tyler's mother leans against the rail of the door and watches.

"and we're splashing around,"
tyler's dad picks tyler up and spins him.

"come sit down, boys." his mother says with a smile on her face, and one in her eyes. there was color in her face, and she looked alive. she didn't look tired at all, nevermind the laughter from her boys.

tyler and his father sit at the table, the floral carved tupperware sending a homey feel throughout the room.

tyler sits and kicks his legs impatiently under the chair.
his mother begins to bring the food around, an assortment of treats, chicken, potatoes, and so on.

tyler licks his lips, quickly filling his plate, his dad joins him, laughing while watching the four year old.

his dad quickly takes a bite of the chicken, before coughing a small bit.

tyler looks over at his dad with a concerned look.

"daddy?" he mumbles.

"the food is poisoned." his father says, before his chair falls back.

tyler robert joseph sits in the bathtub. it's not the first time he's been in this position, surrounded by more blood than water. though josh isn't here to stop him this time.

why did he have to be gone for so long? a funeral is only a few hours. with maybe a couple days to mourn. but a week? no no no. tyler wants josh. he needs him.

but it's fine, oh of course it's fine. he has to be fine. for the sake of him, for the sake of everyone.
for the sake of josh.