I'd Do Anything: A Phanfiction

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Knock. Knock.

 I got up to answer the door. I already knew who it would be, but I was still hoping it would be someone else.

“Hi Phil, how are you?” The girl asked in a super peppy tone. Way too pep-filled for my preference.

“Jessica.” I replied and stepped to the side to let her in. I wanted this to be short and quick.

I lead her silently to the lounge so we could talk. I think she made some comment about how I looked, but I ignored her. I know I probably looked like shit, but how would you look if the one person you want more than anything left you forever? In the past 24 hours or so, when I wasn’t asleep, I was crying. This was the first time I was able to be awake without crying my eyes out.

“So why did you want to see me?” She asked immediately after sitting down, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“I don’t want to see you.” I said half to myself. I felt kind of bad because I was usually never this mean or rude to anyone, but at this point I felt pretty void of all emotions. I mean I still felt them all – the loneliness, the sadness, the regret, the anger – but overall I felt numb. I don’t want to use the word depressed, but to be frank; I am depressed.

“What? I specifically recall YOU texting ME to get my sexy self over here.” She said adding a wink at the end of her sentence. I cringed inwardly at her statement. She made me feel pedophilic when she said that, and that is not at all what I said. I silently begged for this to be over sooner rather than later because I wanted to go back to being alone as soon as I can get her out of my house.

“Jessica I said, 'come over as soon as possible – we need to talk.' Not anything more or less than that.” I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

 “Alright, talk about what then? I mean I did what you told me.” Jessica remarked smartly. I groaned inwardly. She was acting really childish today and it was seriously getting on my nerves.

“I know, and I’m assuming you know it backfired. Dan is gone. Not as in for a day or a week or a month or even a year, no as in: Dan is gone and I don’t know if I or anyone else will every see him again!” I paused for a moment to let my words sink in and hang in the air. “I need him, his fans need him. He’s a lot more important and influential than he likes to think he is!”

“Well… if you look on the bright side of things, Dan is gone.” She said slowly.

I looked at her making sure she wasn’t growing a second head or something. “Are you not listening to a word I’m saying!?” I exclaimed. I was about to shout some more, but my voice was muffled.

WAS SHE KISSING ME!?

“Phi-“

I pushed her off me to the ground to see a baffled looking Dan standing across the room.

DAN. He was back. I mean standing in the doorway looking beaten and worn down, but it was him.

“Dan!?” I exclaimed unsure of what else to do or say. Oh my god, how will I ever explain this? Wait, Dan’s back! Why is he back? I watched his face slowly take on a heart wrenching emotion. It displayed some mixture or betrayal, regret, and disappointment.

 “What the fuck.” He said in a breathy tone like if you were about to cry. It took every ounce of my self control to not run up and hug him and never let go. Something told me, that wouldn't end very well.

 “Dan! This isn’t… uhg! Dan.” I said unable to explain this situation. What do I do? If I hug him, he’ll probably punch me. I want to hug him. Is he mad at me? What do I do? How do I react?

He started shaking his head and I noticed his eyes becoming glossy with the formation of tears. “I was going to come back and listen to you, and instead this is what I’m greeted with?” He said chocked up trying not to cry, so it seemed.

 That sound? Oh that was the noise of my already broken heart shattering even more. It was like taking a vase broken into a few large maybe repairable chucks and shoving them through a wood chipper, leaving only the shimmery remains of what used to be a vase.

 “But-“ I said unable to find words to articulate what I needed and wanted to say. I just destroyed the last remaining sliver of hope I had for this all ending well. I ruined my chances with Dan. Actually no, Jessica ruined them. I noticed Jessica scooting off into a corner. Good. Stay there.

 “But nothing. Phil I’m tired of running off every other day, but if I’m going to try, I need you to meet me halfway. I thought you wanted me to stay.” Dan said as a tear dropped onto his cheek.

 “I do.” I basically whispered, turning my gaze to the floor.

 I shouldn’t feel this shameful, it’s all Jessica’s fault.

 All of a sudden, Dan was gone. I heard the sound of feet running off. “DAN WAIT!” I shouted running as quick as my legs would allow after Dan. I had a chance before he came in, so what if I still do? I was desperately trying to collect the shards of glass. I was hoping to get Dan to help me superglue them back together. As fruitless as it may seem, all I knew now was that I had to at least try. If I didn't, I'd live out my days wondering "What if?"

He was running down the street with a giant suitcase behind him. Because of the weight of the suitcase, he was running slowly, and I was gaining on him. “DAN!” I shouted again. I saw him turn to look over his shoulder slightly.

Everything happened in slow motion. In the millisecond it took for him to turn around, his suitcase caused him to swerve to the left. When he must’ve seen me, he jumped, and straight into a lamppost. 

He hit the post and went splat.

“DAN!” I yelled running over to him. The way he hit the post caused him to fall to the right, and was thankfully still on the pavement. No cars were going by at the moment, but who knows how much worse that could’ve been.

I turned Dan around and cradled his upper body in my arms. “Dan? Dan are you okay? If you can hear me, do something. Punch me for all I care! DAN?” I said becoming more frantic. I put my ear towards his mouth and felt his breath on my ear. I’m not completely sure what I’m doing, but I think I’ve seen it on TV shows that they check for breathing and a pulse. 

I then proceeded to grab Dan’s wrist and let out a sigh when I felt the definite sign of his pulse beating throughout his veins. It sounds weird to say something like that, but I was so glad he was alive and in my arms.

Except he’s unconscious… Yeah, I should do something about that.

I moved his hair off his forehead and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

“It’s going to be okay Dan.” I said. I love you.

I rearranged his body so that I was cradling him, and went back to the apartment. Once I got him inside, I ran back as fast as I could for his suitcase, so I wouldn’t be leaving him for long. When I got back, there was no more sign of Jessica, so I assumed she left. 

I looked at his motionless figure and mentally relived every moment that made me realize how I feel for this boy. As scary as it was to have him be unconscious, I felt really happy to have him back. Even if just for this little while.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a real genuine smile come to my face.