I'd Do Anything: A Phanfiction

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

“Phil?” I called being too lazy to actually get up. Plus it was only something small I had to tell him, and didn’t want to cause yet another awkward conversation. In the two days that have passed since I agreed to stay, things have been awkward. At least that’s how I felt.

Phil used to be one of the few people I didn’t have problems talking to. I feel like a get some kind of social anxiety when talking to someone I don’t know very well, or maybe it’s just that I’m an awkward human being. Either way, I have serious issues with starting, carrying out, and ending conversations without completely screwing up my words somehow. Phil used to be one of the exceptions to this awkwardness. We used to be able to talk about anything and everything, and never feel awkward about it. I hate to use the past tense when describing this as it implies it was and never will be again, and that feeling crushes me.

“What?” Phil asked, walking into the room with half a pancake in his hand. I was kind of disappointed he didn’t tell me he was making pancakes. Those used to be one of our favorites. We used to make them as a default meal if there was nothing else. It didn’t matter if it was breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Sometimes we made them as a snack late at night. We used to make them all the time. Again with the past tense…

“Oh, I just wanted to let you know my mum is coming down for a visit tomorrow, so yeah… if you want to clean or something. Not that you have to, but I just thought I should tell... you…” I said. This was a perfect example of my conversational fails. I used to be able to say that and not sound like I was having a stroke.

“Ok, thanks.” He said leaving the room. I was glad he was gone now. There’s a new aura of awkwardness that seems to settle in a room now whenever we’re together.

It also depresses me knowing that a few weeks ago, I would’ve been able to carry out a full length conversation probably with several jokes, and then end it and maybe move on to another topic without a hitch. Now, it’s like saying a simple sentence is an impossible, laborious task that can’t be done without some form and awkwardness.

We’ve both gone back to tweeting regularly again - nothing regarding anything recent of course, but random stuff. Of course there were the people who asked what happened to us, and why we haven’t tweeted in like 3 weeks. They also asked about the broken heart tweet. I answered with vague: “We went on a trip without wifi! How did I survive?” and “When we came back, we broken the router so we had to order a new one.” These seemed to satisfy mostly everyone and they even seemed to find it quite humorous. Tumblr people went back to making strange gifs and pictures of my face, and it seemed like we were starting to move past everything.

I thought about making a new video, but had absolutely no motivation and no ideas, so instead I sat around doing nothing. I found it was kind of harder to type on a computer with a casted hand, so I mainly stuck to scrolling through tumblr. I had momentarily thought about maybe making a video about how it sucks to have a broken wrist, but I disregarded that idea for two reasons:

1. People would probably ask about how it broke, and I can’t explain that without giving some detail about recent events. I mean sure I could lie and say I tripped, but I felt like we were already keeping so much from everyone, that I feel like a horrible person, and if the truth ever did come out, I don’t know how I’d handle that.

2. If Phil saw or even heard of my new video, It would probably make him sad or feel guilty, and that was something I did not want to do.

I also know that we need to fix things soon with the BBC. I don’t know if we’re fired, but we missed this last show. I know that the past few weeks we missed, Phil told them before hand that we couldn’t make it, and they were fine with that. However we just completely skipped last Sunday. I’m curious what they did. Did they have another DJ fill in for us, or maybe they just had random music play or something. I don’t know.