A Little More You

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Rj. I like you, okay?"

"No. You... you can't!"

"But I do!"

"Stop lying to me Connor! Stop toying with my feelings!" Tears started to fall, my mind is starting to get confused. I hate it when he tells me that, I hate it when he says thise words my heart immediately skips a beat.

"I'm not toying with you, it's true. I feel like myself when I'm with you. I feel like, I have hope in everything that I do. I know I have been so harsh in the past, but please believe me. I have fallen. Each day that we spent together..."

"Connor..." I plead.

"No, listen. When the ball came, I know nobody would ask you out." I snorted at his sentence, "So it gave me a chance to finally get to take you to the ball. I asked your friends for help. They eagerly supported. I asked them to bore you out on shopping so I can give you that beautiful dress that I picked out for you."

I looked down at this beautifully fit dress, "You picked this?"

"I did. I thought it would look hella stunning on you. And I couldn't be more right."

Hands down, my heart wouldn't stop leaping, my face couldn't stop heating up. But I have to shake those feelings away because I'm trying not to fall for his trap.

He gently takes my hands and gives it a light squeeze, "But the thing is Rovie. I am so confused as to why I spent two years hurting the girl I am falling for. I regretted those years of being selfish, evil, harsh and inconsiderate... or whatever it is that you thought of me. But I was hurt. I was so much in grief, that it was hard to move on. Then you came in to picture."

I pulled my hands from his, "Connor. You're just saying that because you kissed me. And because you knew that I have never been kissed before. And you knew that it is easy to be with me because I have never been in a long relationship before. And because you thought I changed you. Connor, wake up. I didn't do anything to change you!"

"You're right. You didn't Rovie. I changed for myself because I wanted to be perfect for you."

"Connor. You know what I think? You're just confused seeing me dress like this. And tomorrow I won't look like this, I would go back wearing the same old jeans and t shirts that I love. And do you think I would change for you? I don't want to change just so people could like me, Con. Just so you could like me. Just so I could be perfect for you. I will never change for you. Just so I could be a nice little display of yours. I know men like you. And I like my old self, where I am in peace. But thanks to you and that little act of yours, I don't even know how I'll survive Monday." I replied.

"Is that how you really see me, Rovie? Is that how you really see me? Like all the guys out there. Sorry to burst your narrow mind, but I am not like your stupid ex guy who made you look like a total idiot." I can sense irritation in his tone.

I was taken aback at his sudden topic about my ex. "How did-?" And then it hit me, Riley must have told him.

"And stop acting like you have never gone on a date before, because everyone knows you have, but you just chose to forget it.

I thought you were better than this. I thought you were open minded, you believe so much in things that I thought you'd believe in me. But I was so fucking wrong.  People are judgmental? I think you need to start checking that on yourself Rovie." He added.

I stabbed my finger to his chest, "Don't act like you know me, as far as I know, you never did! And I know guys like you love to toy around girls and throw them anywhere when you get what you want! All of you are the same! And what if Con, huh? What if we haven't actually kissed, what if you wanted that and I can't give it to you? Would you dump me because I can't give you what you asked for?"

Tears are running fast down to my face as I pictured out my ex boyfriend who tried to do something against my will. A perfect handsome guy, with an attitude of a total pig, yep. That was my ex.

"Don't fucking say that I am like that, because you of all people should know that I am fucking not! And don't fucking say that like you dated every guy because dude, you only dated one! And why would I force you into something you don't want? It's not hard to say no, Rovie." His face is red, clearly pissed at me. But this is the way, so he can stop saying he has feelings for me. Because one, I know he doesn't have. Two, he can never fool me and his sweet words. Three, I like him so much that I can't be with him because of relationship trauma.

"You don't force me to do something I don't want? What about that kiss? Did you ask me to kiss you?"

"No, but you did anyway. If you didn't want it, you would have pulled away from me, but you didn't. You're not the only who had a bad relationship, Rovie. I chose to let go on that, and try to be as happy as Riley looking like a total goofball whenever he sees Jessa." I flinched at his retort. I stared him down, until he gives up, he chuckled bitterly and added, "You know what, this was fucking useless. I thought you were different."

"Then you thought wrong."

With those he left me alone in the cold night.

Sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision of staying away from him?