Fake Happy

Chapter 4 | Are Those Prada?

"Every breath you take,
I watch you slip away,
You're slowly killing yourself.
I won't give in."
- I Won't Give In, Asking Alexandria.
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Chapter Quatre : Are Those Prada?

I strode into the class with new found courage and looked around the claustrophobic room. It was hot, smelly and wet. There was only one other person, a girl, with a cheerful smile on her face as her short blonde hair bobbed back and forth in rhythm with the song she hummed.

I slumped into a chair and laid my head on the desk to get much needed sleep. I ignored the 'Whoever is reading this is a slut' comment carved with a compass.

Sleep and me go wayyyyy back, since I was a foetus. And we've never broken apart, neither am I planning to now. Except these nights, I've been afraid of it, afraid of what I might see in my nightmares.

I could hear the girl sing Stone Cold softly, perfecting her high pitches. I could hear the birds just moving across the branches, slight ruffling of leaves and the soft wind blowing against the window. Spring was setting in and I loved the new rich smell it brought with it.

In Bordeaux, I used to love strolling near river Garonne and watch little kids rolling and playing with their parents. A father smiled as his daughter gave him peppy kisses. A mother would lay in her husband's embrace as they chuckled at their son who got bubblegum all over his face.

I never got that.

God is unfair. Life is so unfair. Was it that I didn't deserve it?

Maybe that's why I am the way I am. Sensitive, easily intimidated, easily break-able. I can keep my tough façade on as long as I want but sometimes I want to curl up in a corner and cry.

Have I thought about committing suicide? Heck, yes.

But as my best friend once rightly said, "Suicide doesn't take away pain, it gives it to someone else."

People call suicide as cowardice. Why? When a person's will is broken, when they can't take it anymore, what other choice do they have?

Committing suicide isn't cowardice, it's brave. It's brave that they've mustered the courage to take the leap.

But being brave doesn't mean it's right. It's stupid, it's selfish. You're thinking only about yourself. What about the other people who'll stay back? Are you selfish enough to transfer the pain to someone who doesn't deserve it? Are you ready to see the other person in the same pain you were in? Does that make you happy?

Damn right, it doesn't.

That's the only reason why I didn't.

"Clumsy?", a curious voice popped near me. I'd completely forgotten that Jayden was here.

I didn't notice him sitting next to me, I didn't notice the wetness on my face. I was crying, unknowingly. I quickly wiped them and sniffed as quietly as I could and flashed a smile at him.

"What's up?" I croaked.

"Are you alright?" He came dangerously closer and slung his arm around my shoulder. I stiffened at the contact, and I guess he felt it as he immediately pulled it away.