Change of Hearts

Chapter 14

Baguio, 1PM

"You're not joining them, Alyssa?"

Nilingon n'ya ang nagsalita, at nakita n'ya si Karl na lumalabas sa balcony door papunta sa p'westo n'ya. Nginitian nya ito habang umuupo ito sa tabi n'ya.

"Uhm, minsan mas masarap manood." sagot n'ya.

"It's rare to see the phenom on the sidelines pala no?" natatawang sabi nito habang tinatanaw din ang mga campers sa court na naglalaro ng volleyball. Kakatapos lang ng dalawang sessions kaninang umaga at free time nilang lahat. Second to the last day na nila sa Baguio, and everyone is trying to maximize the remaining hours left.

"Actually, there are a lot of times na I wished na nasa sidelines na lang sana ako." sabi n'ya, hindi mapigilan ang sarili na tingnan ang isang partikular na taong naglalaro sa baba.

"Masyado bang nakakasilaw 'yong spotlight?" tanong ng camp master sa kan'ya.

"Nakakasilaw..nakakapaso.." bumuntong hininga pa s'ya. "Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful. But thinking about the things and people I had to let go..minsan napapatanong ako kung worthy ba s'ya eh. I know, it's immature for me to think this way. It sounds so ungrateful. But anyway, nangyari na s'ya. Kaya lagi ko nalang sinasabi sa sarili ko na, 'Ly, look at the brighter side. Remember the fruits of everything. Remember your whys.'"

"Things and people you had to let go..that includes Kiefer, right?" tiningnan n'ya ito, not knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry. I think I crossed the line." paghingi ng pasensya ni Karl. "It's just..I can't help but to wonder what story ang mayroon kayong dalawa. Almost half a month of witnessing the two of you, I saw two people with so much past behind them."

"Kiefer..well..yeah," sabi n'ya, trying to compose her thoughts. "Kiefer and I..there's so much untold words between the two of us hanggang ngayon. He made me realize the pitfalls of knowing so much and knowing so little about someone." she bitterly smiled while watching him from afar.

"What happened?"

"Maling timing. We were sophomores when he tried courting me. Siguro dahil probinsyana, t'saka hindi pa kami gano'n ka-mature to handle feelings back then, ang gulo gulo ng usapan naming dalawa no'n. May sarili s'yang priorities, ako rin. May issues kami pareho within ourselves, may pressure sa'min. Hanggang sa nagkasakitan kami verbally, I said hurtful words and he broke his promises. Hanggang sa ayun, nawala nalang." kwento n'ya, remembering the past.

"He was so sweet and serious na pakiramdam ko na-overwhelm ako. I pushed him away, kasi ang bata pa namin no'n 'di ba? We have so much ahead of us. Ayokong magcommit kasi I felt na parang itatali ko 'yong sarili ko sa kan'ya. We parted ways, I tried moving on and nakita ko naman na he did the same. Nagkaroon s'ya ng relationships while ako, nag-focus ako sa mga goals ko."patuloy n'ya. "You know what? We were really doing fine. Civil. I'm hanging out with his brother, and he's trying to know more about one of my team mates. Until..until we came here."

"So, can I safely say that Baguio changed the game?" tanong muli ni Karl.

"It did. It really did." pag-amin n'ya. "Parang bumalik kami sa past, but we both know na it's different now. Bakit ba kasi kailangan bumalik ng mga feelings na dapat wala na? Bakit ba hindi natin p'wedeng totally ibaon 'yong mga memories?"

"Alyssa, you can't just do that. Memories are very powerful, na even if matagal nang tapos ang role ng isang tao sa buhay mo, their memories can still wake up dead feelings inside you. Ask yourself, are these memories helping you or they're just robbing you the life you ought to live? May mga ala-ala kasi na nakakatulong sa atin to become better person. They are representations of our failures and our ability to defeat those failures. Na we are not really weak people dahil nakamove on tayo from them." sabi ng katabi n'ya. "But there are memories that are dangerous for us. Yung tipong kinukulong nalang tayo sa nakaraan. Na pinapaliit ang mundo natin, to the point na nakakalimutan na natin na may buhay pa sa labas ng mga ala-ala na yon. Those are the kinds na dapat mo nang itapon because they are not really helping at all."