Hold on JackABoy

Chapter 19- JACK STOP IT

Jacks POV

I walked back to my bedroom in the best mood ever.
Markiplier is my boyfriend! The Markiplier is my boyfriend! Smiles were all I could think about. In fact I think I had the biggest smile on my face. I got to my suitcase and took everything out onto the bed. I rested one arm on the one around my torso and held my chin. "Hmmm" I moved closed and packed basically everything that was already in there. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed my deodorant, toothbrush, and toothpaste. I just kinda dropped it all into my suitcase and closed it for the zip. I looked down and saw my Altoids tin. "I shouldnt.." I bent down to pick it up but there was no clinking sound. I opened it wide eyed.
Where could I have misplaced it?! My breath hitched and my chest felt heavy. I haven't used it since before the hospital because I couldn't find my tin, I was stuck using broken pieces of plastic.
I put the tin down slowly and took a deep breath in. And out.  I sat on my bed trying to calm my breathing down.
"1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10" I counted under my breath.
Nothing.
I tried again.
"1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10" Still nothing.  I panicked. I tried to yell for Mark but I couldn't speak.  I opened my bed side table and found a few CDs. I took the CD out and broke the case into little tiny pieces and searched for the sharpest one. Once I found it I applied great force to my arm. Because it was still duller than my standered blade, it was obvious that I had to apply more pressure. I counted under my breath once again but this time cutting each time.

"1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10" I felt better. I was able to calm down. In fact I felt tired. I looked down to see my arm. Slowly you could see the marks turn red and bead up. I smeared them with my thumb to watch the process over again. I let my head rest on the wall. I sighed a good sigh. I was completely calm.
"J-jac-k.." I heard from the door frame. I instantaneously shot up looking at a terrified Mark standing in the door way.
"Why?" Was all he could whisper. I tried my best to wipe the small amounts of blood away.
"Mark I... I am so sorry I just-" he cut me off.
"You just? What? I was right down the hallway! I could have helped!" He said just below a yell.
"No you-you dont understand I couldn't yell for you I was pani- I was panicking I didnt know what to do! I am so sorry Mark." I tripped over a lot of my words but I meant I was sorry. I would stop cutting if it would mean I would never have to see the hurt that is in his eyes right now.
He started keeping the first aid kit under my bed. So he walked toward me and crouched grabbing the white and red box.
"I'm sorry" I whisper looking down.
"Its ok Jack" he says and it kinda sounded some what emotionless which kinda hurt. He doesnt deserve me I'm too much trouble he deserves so much better I am nothi-
"JACK STOP IT!" He yelled. "Please..."he whispered. I looked down to see him holding both my wrists trying to yank my hand off my arm. I must've been trying to open the cuts worse and not realizing.
"..sorry" I say submitting to him. He takes my arm and spraying it with disinfectant spray, then wrapping it up.
"Jack please promise me something" He asks. I look up in approval for him to go on. "Please never EVER hurt yourself again." He put emphasis on ever.
I thought about it before answering. That's so hard, I dont know if I can function with out it. But then I looked at his face and realized. For him. I can get better for him.
"Ok mark... I will try." I said with some confidence.
"Thank you." He said pushing himself up into a hug with me.
"Let's sleep in your bed tonight" he smiled.
"Deal" I said as he smashed his lips into mine and we both smiled. I pushed my luggage off the bed and we got all nice and comfy.
"Night love." He said my head on his chest.
"Good night." I look up at him and smile. He kisses my forehead and leans to shut the lamp off.
And for once I felt safe and I drifted off to sleep.