Alysia.
I lied against the pillows on my bed alone like I had been doing for the past two weeks, silently sobbing and feeling sorry for myself. Jermaine had been pretending everything was fine for the sake of our daughter and our family, but didn't pay me any mind when it was just us. Which hurt so much worse than us fighting in public.
Rubbing my hand across my belly, I tapped lightly. "Even you're mad at me, huh son?" I asked in a shaky voice before the door swung opened.
"Let's go before we're late for your appointment." I heard him say before shutting the door behind him.
Jermaine of course still did everything in his power to make sure my pregnancy was going smoothly. He'd still go with me to every appointment, get me anything I needed as far as the baby was concerned, and didn't argue with me to try to prevent stress. But that was inevitable though. It was knowing how badly I had fucked up that triggered my stress and what forced my doctor to put me on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy, which was only a week thankfully.
Standing, I slipped my feet into my moccasins and trotted down the stairs where he waited for me by the door. I followed him out to the car where we rode in silence to the doctor's office, then sat silently in the waiting room and finally sitting silently in the doctor's office. By the time the doctor entered, I was relieved to know that I hadn't gone deaf.
"Mr and Mrs. Johnson. Good morning." he greeted in his cheery tone that I was jealous of. "Let's check on baby and get you guys out of here. Time is winding down so there isn't much to be done. Not contractions right?"
"No contractions." I mumbled playing with my fingers while he prepared to listen to my son's heartbeat.
I was sure my doctor could put two and two together, which was why I was always embarrassed when I had to come. I couldn't wait until my son was born so I could switch doctors. Switch to one who didn't know I was a cheating, horrible excuse for a wife.
When I heard my doctor clear his throat and turn off the doppler without us hearing Jeremiah's heartbeat, I quickly sat up.
"Is everything okay?" I asked in a panic causing Jermaine to step closer to where we both stood.
"I'm just going to do an ultrasound. I wasn't able to hear his heartbeat, but that happens sometimes. Let's do an ultrasound and see how big little Jeremiah is, huh?" He smiled before walking out.
My heart quickened as Jermaine and I locked eyes. He grabbed my shaky hand, but didn't say anything as we waited. The two minutes it took for the doctor to come back felt like hours, but soon he was squeezing the warm gel over my large belly.
Staring at the screen, I waited and waited for him to say something, but instead he just continued to move the wand over my belly until the gel seemed to soak into my skin.
"What's going on?" Jermaine asked the question I couldn't bring myself to.
Clearing his throat again he looked up at us before shutting off the monitor.
"Has your baby been active lately?" He asked as he wiped the gel off of my belly.
"Yes." I said sort of offended.
"Okay. I only ask because there's no heartbeat and no movement on the monitor. But let's not worry alright. Let's just get you prepped for delivery and we'll do everything-"
"Wait. What are you saying?" Jermaine asked cutting the doctor short.
"I'm saying that we need to deliver this baby-"
"And?" he asked cutting him off yet again. "I know there's more."
"And to be prepared for anything. Like I said, Mr. Johnson, there's no heartbeat or movement but we will get him out and check him and we will do everything we can to make sure he's in good health. But there's always the possibility that there's nothing we can do." He said. You could hear in his tone the battle between his emotions and his professionalism.
