Jermaine.
My phone sat against the counter blaring Bryson Tiller at Jaliyah's request as I continued making dinner; jerk chicken and shrimp pasta.
"Hey mommy." I heard her say as I felt Alysia's presence in the kitchen.
She and I were being as awkwardly cordial as we could for our daughter's sake, but we still went to bed every night silently. I always woke up before her and was out of the room before she woke up.
She did seem to be doing better though. Even though she and I weren't on the best terms, I was happy about that. I didn't want her to be depressed about the baby, but as far as us, she had to know that she made that bed and would have to lay in it.
"Yum. That smells good." She cooed patting my back putting on our usual facade as I smiled at her, but she saw herself that it never reached my eyes. I wasn't trying to hide it though.
"Can I go watch TV until dinner is ready?" My daughter asked and both Alysia and I told her yes. I could tell she felt the tension when we were around each other. She was young, but she was far from stupid.
Jaliyah left the kitchen and Alysia hopped up on one of the stools closest to me and cleared her throat. "Aren't you tired of this yet?" She asked just above a whisper. I could hear the sadness in her voice. I sighed and lifted my head to the ceiling, not really wanting to do this.
She was right, I was just as tired as I'm sure she was. It was draining walking around your own house on egg shells.
Noticing my silence, she cleared her throat again and sighed deeply.
"I'll sign them if that's really what you want. And I don't want you to feel trapped being miserable for the sake of Liyah. She'll understand eventually. But it would be more toxic for you to stay and be uncomfortable. I don't want that for us. We can make it work. Megan and Trey did for a long time so I know we could too." She said like she was convincing herself as she spoke.
She hadn't even noticed my eyes shoot opened to stare at here. Even with hurt dressing her face, she was still as beautiful as the day I met her. I was suddenly completely conflicted. I didn't know what I wanted. Could I really see myself with her? She fucked up and hurt me in the worst way, but I still loved her stupid ass. And as much as I wanted to find ways to hurt her back, I couldn't do so without hurting me in the process. She was my wife and we were supposed to be in this for better or worse, right?
"Shut up." I told her as she continued to go on about how well we could live our lives separately and still coparent together. I turned the stove off and turned to face her, noticing she wouldn't look up at me. "Look at me." I demanded and she did so hesitantly. "Do you love me?" I asked and watched tears spill from her eyes instantly while she quickly nodded her head up and down.
"For better or worse." I told her before lifting her chin and pecking her lips.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried into my chest like a baby.
"I'm not saying shit is going back to how it was just like that." I reminded. "But I'm not going to run from my issues."
She nodded her head up and down as she continued to cry into my t-shirt.
"We'll talk after we eat. I love you." I told her before kissing her again. "Wipe your face so we can have a family dinner."
Megan.
I had spent all day playing nurse mommy to my sick son, watching movies and eating popcorn while helping to aid him back to good health. After making soup all day, it felt good to have him in bed and while I lied cuddled on the couch eating Qdoba with one of my favorite people.
