Dark Skies

Memories

Jimins POV

I couldn't bare to imagine how Rihanna must have felt after hearing Jin say those things to her just as much as I couldn't bare to watch Jin, crying because of me.

Because if I had said no, Yoongi wouldn't be 'dead'

If I had said no I wouldn't be a prime witness in a murder case.

If I had said no...

Yoongi might of actually killed Rihanna

My entire body went cold when I came to the realisation that saying yes was all that I could have done. I couldn't possibly imagine the situation we would all be in if I hadn't given Yoongi what he wanted. The tables could have turned dramatically.

I pulled the duvet up higher over my head, breathing in the familiar scent. It didn't smell like home any more, though. That scent had faded over the years. It might sound disgusting but I tried to put off washing my covers for as long as I could, because I didn't want to get rid of the smell of home. That was what gave me comfort. However in some ways, it just made me miss my old life more.

My childhood had passed in the blink of an eye. Through all that time I had one dream and one dream only. To follow my passion for singing and dancing. School didn't matter, girls didn't matter. All that mattered was my dream. I couldn't imagine myself living a normal life, doing a normal job. Getting married, having kids and growing old. That life just wasn't for me.

Music was my only passion. I could see myself on stage, no where else. But now that I had fulfilled my dreams and reached my goals I couldn't help thinking, what was left for me?

In some ways I longed for a normal life. A life where I wasn't judged by everything I did. A life where I could walk down a street and no one would know who I am. They would treat me like I was invisible just like they did with everyone else.

I missed my parents too. I missed waking up to their voices everyday. I missed my mums cooking and her smile. I missed the way she always smelt of lavender.

I missed running up to my dad and hugging him when he came home from work. He would ask me how my day was and I would ask him if he'd eaten yet. Then we would sit round the table, talking and laughing whilst enjoying the meal my mum had made for us. 

I wondered if any of the other members felt the way I did. Maybe they sometimes found themselves reminiscing on the past like I was? I wondered if they would give anything to go back for just one day.

A small whisper glided through the dark, followed by the creaking of a door.

"Jimin?" I sat up and switched on the light beside my bed, looking towards the source.

Jungkook stood sniffling, with his hands by his sides. He looked like he had been tossing and turning in his sleep, his hair was a mess and his eyes were only half open.

My heart sank when I noticed the tears falling from his eyes like raindrops, shining in the dim light. He pulled his hand up to wipe them away, ducking his head in shame.

"Jungkook? What's wrong?" I patted my bed, indicating for him to come and sit next to me.

Slowly, he made his way over but hesitated and stopped halfway.

"Jimin" he cried out to me,

Immediately I stood up and made my way over to him, panic stricken.

Jungkook fell into me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I patted his back and let him cry into my shirt. I decided that I was going to take it off before he left, and let him wear it for comfort. I usually did that when Jungkook was upset, or I let him sleep beside me in my bed for the night just to let him know that he wasn't alone. There was no denying that me and Jungkook were close. I loved him like a brother, sometimes I loved him as something more.

After a few minutes I spoke,

"Are you ready to talk about it now?"

"Yeah" Jungkook mumbled. I could tell that he was ashamed of himself. He hated crying in front of us.

"What's up?" I tilted my head, gaining a laugh from him.

"You look like a puppy" he sniffled, pulling his sleeve up and wiping his nose.

"Seriously though" I gently nudged his shoulder.

"I miss Suga" his voice threatened to break, "I miss him so much Jimin"

I hated myself for doing this to him and Jin. 

I wanted to tell him that Suga wasn't dead. I wanted to let him know that he was fine. Just to stop all of the pain and suffering. I wanted to tell him so bad. But I couldn't. Because then I would have to tell him that actually, he wasn't the Suga we knew any more. He was someone else. He may as well be dead. The Min Yoongi I knew had disappeared, and it didn't look like he was coming back any time soon. We were left with a stranger.

And then I would have to confess that I had helped Suga fake his own death, that I had contributed towards their suffering? What would they think of me then? I would lose everyone. Even Rihanna.

BTS had to lose a big part of themselves in order for me to not lose myself. They lost a member. A friend. A brother.

I had to watch everyone suffer because of me, because of him. And I really and truly hated him for that.

"My bed tonight?" I asked Jungkook, ruffling his hair.

"Yeah" he smiled.