Dark Skies

The story behind the boy

"He made me so happy. Moving to a new country completely by yourself is scary, leaving your family and friends behind and starting new. At points I wanted to run and hide. I didn't know the language, didn't know my way around, all I knew was him. And he made everything better. He was my rock.

That was until things began to change, he became unstable. He was training to become a member of BTS surprisingly, and you would understand how difficult those times were."

I nodded my head in agreement.

"Well for some reason, It got to him more than it should have. He was angry almost all the time, breaking down for no reason, locking himself in his room, hiding his phone from me. He snuck out of his house late at night to go God knows where...and he stopped talking to me. To anyone at all" her words sounded forced, her voice thick.

"I spoke to his mum, and asked her if she'd noticed a change in him. She told me she had, said that he was probably just tired and stressed out. He's just going through a stage, she'd said."

I closed my eyes for a second, the memories flooding back.

I felt as if I was going to pass out right there, it was all becoming too much for me. Hearing it from another persons point of view...it made everything I'd done become so much more real.

In my case, forgiveness was no longer a thing. I would never be able to forgive myself for what I did to Young Suk. Never in a million years.

"But I knew him," Rihanna continued, reliving the story in her head, "I knew that something was up, and not something as quick to dismiss as stress or exhaustion. Something bad. And something that was breaking this boy down to the core, killing him slowly."

She flinched. And so did I.

"It was only a matter of time really. Before he..." she paused, "did...what he did."

The lump in my throat was rising by the second, a dull ache capturing my entire body like a photograph. A shudder rolled through me, eyes awash in tears.

"I saw him do it. That god awful night" a lone tear rolled down Rihanna's cheek, and all I wanted to do in that moment was hold her close, cradle her and tell her I was sorry. But I couldn't, because then she would know what I'd done and she would never forgive me. And the word sorry? Yeah that was the worst thing I could say in a situation like this. 

"He had one of his 'episodes' as his mum like to call them. I was there to see it go down. I was trying so hard to reach out to him, to try and find out what was bothering him so much. I never did find out. Because every time I tried, every time I reached out to him, he would push me away. He'd shout horrible things, telling me to 'fuck off out of his life' and saying that, 'I meant nothing to him.' He didn't want me there, he didn't want anyone. But I wouldn't give up."

Rihanna glanced over at me for a second before looking away. The moment her eyes met mine was like a stab in the back, and the realisation of what I'd done was stronger than ever.

"He ended up...saying even worse things, unforgivable things. But I know he didn't mean it, not really. Or at least I like to tell myself he didn't."

I wanted to ask her what he'd said, but at the same time I knew that she didn't want to repeat it. There are some things that should never be retold. Some stories that should remain unwritten. Some things need to stay in the dark.

"I shouted at him, begging him to open up to me. But all he did was walk away. Like he did time and time before that. That night it was different though, because I wasn't having it, I would find out one way or another. So I followed him. And sometimes I wish I never did. Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't of saw my best friend-" she stuttered, a sob racking her chest, "kill himself." 

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