Dark Skies

The last time

Rihanna's POV

"Today might be the last time you walk through that door" the man nodded his head towards the room both me and Jimin were sat in yesterday.

The man sat at a desk, stacks of papers in front of him. A sheet of glass separated him from the rest of the room, whilst he greeted people who came into the station. He latched himself onto me and Jimin as soon as we arrived, asking Jimin questions about BTS. I had a feeling that deep down, the man was some sort of super fan and that put a smile on my face despite everything that was going on. 

"You want that don't you?" he lent forwards, directing the question at both me and Jimin. 

I nodded my head vigorously. The suggestion of never coming back here again was the best thing I had heard all day. Jimin looked at the door and back at me, not saying anything. 

"Well then" the man croaked, "Tell the truth and it will be the last time" 

I noticed the way his eyes locked on Jimin, a sorry look on his face. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and I couldn't seem to stand still. Anxiety blossomed in my chest. I knew something wasn't quite right and for some reason, everyone besides me and Jimin seemed to know about it. 

"The truth is key" the man said before directing us to our seats. 

The wait was painfully long. Every second felt like a minute and every minute felt like an hour. People were coming and going and the officers shifts were rotating constantly. I was unable to keep track. One thing that did stay the same was the look on peoples faces. Whether they had just arrived or were about to leave. They looked frightened, anxious. They looked like they were watching their whole world crumble right before their eyes. I understood how they felt. Like everything around them was falling to pieces and they were getting buried in the rubble. If they made one wrong move the whole building would collapse and there would be no way out. The question  is, how did they manage to end up in that situation in the first place? 

Some put themselves there, others didn't have a choice. In my case I was the reason for the disaster and no one had time to escape. 

'As much as we might wish to erase the past and fix mistakes, history can only repeat itself, not be forgotten.' 

I needed to learn how to live with my mistakes. But it hurts to breath when you look in the mirror and all you see is your past mistakes and foolish decisions. It hurts to breath when you know that when people look at you they see the same thing that you do. And when you look at others, 

You are are reminded of what you could have been. 

When I looked at Jimin, I saw the only thing that kept me sane. He was my rock. He was the only thing I could hold onto, but I knew that I would have to let go at some point. Because when I looked at Jimin, I saw a bit of myself in him. And that was what hurt me most. I had to let go before it was too late. Before people started seeing him in the light they saw me in. Before history could repeat itself. 

*** 

His blue eyes were dampened and dark. His hair was tousled and his hands shook. The wind blew the leaves on the trees and they fell. They fell like he did. 

Like the sky loses stars, I lost him. 

I lost him to the waves that lapped onto the shore. 

I lost him to the summer breeze that blew through our hair. 

I lost him to the ground we walked on. 

I lost him to the sky we used to stare at. 

I lost him to the sun and the moon. 

I lost him to the night and to the day.

I held on too long and I lost him. 

How I wish he held on. 

Staring into the cold water below I cried a thousand tears. 

Heat pulsing through my veins, grief engulfing every part of me. Loneliness welcoming me with open arms. 

I moved closer to the edge. 

One step forward and I could end it all. 

One move and I could leave it all behind. 

Breathing one last breath, shedding one last tear, remembering one last memory.  

My best friend. 

I could join him. 

One step forward and I could've ended it all. 

One single move and I could've left it all behind. 

But I turned around and walked away. 

I could've ended it all. 

But I decided to start again. 

***

From that day on I stopped seeing the light I once saw in my best friend. One thing I learned from him was that darkness is always lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce. Once it does there is no turning back. Just like when he jumped there was no turning back. For him or for me. 

That was the last decision he made. He let his feelings rule his actions. To me it was a reckless, selfish mistake but to him...

It was the only way out. 

***

I didn't realise I was shaking until Jimin rested his hand upon my knee to calm me down. 

"Are you okay?" he asked me. 

"Yeah I'm okay" I replied, trying to keep my voice even. 

Jimin frowned at me, unconvinced. 

My body was tense with fear and dark memories. 

I was about to reassure him again before the door in front of us swung open. What was beyond the door was unknown to the people who hadn't been inside before. Nothing was visible from the outside. If I hadn't known what was hiding inside, I would've refused to walk in. Really, there was only a desk and chair but to everyone else their future depended on what went on between them four walls. I came to the realisation that actually, I didn't know what we were walking into. We might go in and never come back out again. 

'Tell the truth and it will be the last time you walk through that door.'

One step forwards and we were there. 

One move and we left the outside world behind. 

We could have turned around and walked away. 

But we decided not to. 

"There is no turning back now" I whispered to Jimin, taking his hand in mine.