reckless - h.s / mature content

41 - nightmares

Millie

I woke up with a bad headache and my whole body covered in sweat. Next to me wasn't Harry, no, there was an empty spot. I rubbed my eyes, which were burning and swollen and my whole body felt numb.

I never felt so miserable and tired.

I slowly got up, only now I noticed that it was still dark outside and that made me wonder where Harry was.

I slowly got out of bed, my legs felt like they were going to give in any minute, but I stabilised them and walked out of the bedroom. When I opened the door, I had to close my eyes, due to the brightness in the living room. When I felt like my eyes had adjusted to the bright lights, I opened them slowly and froze on the spot.

Harry, Gina, David, Luke and even Hannah were on the couch, piled up and eyeing me from head to toe. Disgust were displayed in each of their eyes, as they did nothing but look at me.

I couldn't get my mouth to open up and speak, so I just stood there awkwardly and nervous, asking myself why they were looking at me like I was the most pathetic human being on this planet.

"Hi." I opened my mouth with noticing it, the word leaving my lips, without thinking.

Gina let out an sarcastic chuckle, "Is that all you've got to say?" She raised on eyebrow, in which I responded with nothing but an confused look.

Harry was looking away, like he was embarrassed and tears were threatening to spill, as I never felt so defenceless and insecure.

I tried to think about what I've done, but nothing came in my mind. A few hours ago they were all worried and crying, and now they were acting like I killed Elliot with my own bare hands.

"Can someone tell me what's happening?" I asked in a whisper, my eyes searching for Harry's, silently begging to help me.

"It's all your fault." David coldly spoke and everyone nodded in unison, Harry still the only one avoiding eye contact.

How was that my fault?

"What do you mean?" I felt like I was out of control, like someone else was possessing my own body, because I didn't even wanted to talk, I just did. The words were escaping, before I could even think about them and only now I also noticed, how I took tiny steps towards them. I was screaming at myself, to stop walking and just get the fuck out of here, but my brain wasn't listening to my orders, and went on walking.

"What we mean?" Harry finally opened his mouth, "You killed him. Because of you, he is dead, Millie." And when he finally turned his eyes to me, I saw nothing but hate and disgust in his eyes.

I felt my knees buckle and crashed to the ground, "It-It wasn't my fault, h-he did this to himself." I stuttered and pulled on my hair, the ground beneath me cold as ice.

"Lies, lies, lies. You did this, maybe not with your own hands, but you brought him to this point." Hannah stated, when she had no right to talk about it at all. "You killed him, Millie." Gina added and shook her head.

"It's your fault." Harry spoke coldly, fingers intertwined, as he looked down on me disappointed.

"B-but, I didn't do anything." I finally cried out and hid my face in my hands, elbows leaning on my thighs and I prayed that this would be over soon. "B-believe me, it wasn't my fault. Harry please." I looked up to look for comfort in his eyes, but he stood up, and walked to his front door, opened it and pointed towards the floor.

"Please leave. I can't stand to look at you for a second longer." He spoke, his words punching me verbally in the face and it felt worse than Elliot's fists could ever make me feel.