reckless - h.s / mature content

16 - green forest

Millie

His minty breath mixed with alcohol and the taste of nicotine were clouding my mind as he slammed his lips onto mine and kissed me. His lips fit perfectly into mine and his tongue entered my mouth seconds later. His hand grabbed the back of my head to press me into him even more and his other hand was squeezing my waist.
Physically I was standing there but emotionally I was somewhere else. His kiss felt nice, but my mind screamed stop it.

I abruptly disconnected our lips and closed my eyes to escape this scenario for a second. I wanted nothing more than to be alone and think. Harry clouded my mind and I couldn't get a thought straight. On one hand I wanted to trust him, to tell him and to let this happen, but on the other hand I knew it was a mistake. Everything was a mistake. Him being here, him kissing me, sleeping with him and letting him inside my head.

Harry wiped a tear away from my cheek, I didn't knew escaped. But as soon as I realised it, a sob escaped my mouth and I felt myself shaking uncontrollably, trying to hold back my mental breakdown I was about to get.

"Millie.." he softly called and his green eyes screamed for answers.
"I.. I can't.." I tried to form a sentence while tears were streaming down my face. "I want to.. but.." I sobbed pathetically, "I just can't.." I wiped my tears, but it was senseless since they were flooding down.
Harry slung his arms around me and pressed me against him for comfort. My forehead rested on his broad chest and my tears soaked his shirt. He rubbed my back and held my head, while kissing my forehead.
"It wasn't my intention to make you sad." He quietly admitted.
"It's not that.. I just have so much.. in my head and I don't know what to do." My words were muffled by my sobs and my mouth which was pressed in Harry's shirt.

He let go of me, "sit down, love." he said and I did as he told me. I sat down, pressing my knees to my chest and let my head rest on my knees, still crying.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice low and careful.
"I told you, I'm fucking pathetic. Harry you need to understand that you deserve better than me. You need to understand that I can never be what you want me to be. I'm fucking lost and I don't know what to do. I thought coming here was a good idea, but it wasn't. I thought everything would turn out better, but it's getting worse and worse, day by day." I started crying again, wanting to explain so bad what was going on in my head, but it didn't even made sense to me, so how could I explain it to someone else?
"I don't get it. You are not pathetic and why would I deserve someone better?" He asked.
"You see me as this strong and indepent woman, but I am not. I don't even know who I am, living with someone for years, telling you how useless and pathetic.." I couldn't make it further because my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I took it out and saw that Isaac called me.
I gave Harry and apologetic look and he just smiled.

I took in a breath and answered the call, "Isaac, hey." I softly spoke, tried to hide the fact that I was an emotional wreck right now.
"Sisteeeeeerrr.." he slurred. "Are you drunk?" I laughed and I could just see him grinning from ear to ear.
"Fuck yes. I am so smashed but I miss you so I thought I'd call you to let you know," hiccup, "that I miss you." hiccup.
"Oh Isaac, I miss you too." I half laughed, half sobbed, "how are things? Everything's alright?" I asked, I could hear someone screaming Isaacs name but he told her to shut up and get lost. "Yes, everything's the same old ways. Are you crying? What the fuck?" He almost yelled and I weakly laughed. "Yes, but it's just that I'm missing you all so much and that's why I'm crying." I explained, even though it was a big fat lie. Of course I missed them, it just wasn't my reason for crying.
"Since when do you have emotions?" He sarcastically said and I laughed. "England's changing you." He stated.
"Yes, England is doing some things to me." I laughed and Harry chuckled next to me.

"Was that a guy? Are you talking to me while fucking Millie? That's disgusting and I.." but I stopped him right there.
"Oh my fucking god. It's just a friend and no I'm not having sex while talking to you, I'm not you." I stated and made him remember that night I called him so he could get me from a party, but little did I know he was having sex that moment. I only got to know when we played truth or dare and he had to admit it.
"Yes, tell me again. It's not like twenty years ago." he slurred.
"It literally happened last year you bastard." I laughed and he joined.
"Okay, I'm leaving now babe. Just wanted to know if everything's okay. Call me soon, I love you." he said and I bit my goodbye and ended the call.