The Diary of Zartoon

ENTRY 31

ENTRY 31

09.04.63.23.32

The party lasted for two days, and Pandorica and I danced for so long that we were exhausted by the time everything wound down, and everyone went home.

We found a nice quiet place and settled down to sleep and relax together, but it did not last very long, it is now 15 hours later, and they are all constantly asking for my help. God, I hate being a god!

The first thing I had to do was to baptize some of the slightly inebriated adult worshipers. I decided that instead of dunking them, from what I remembered they did back home, I decided to make it much more enjoyable for them and so, instead, I gave them a ceremonial shot of very, very strong alcohol.

Naturally, they acted even more strangely afterward, especially towards me, their new god, bowing and stuff like that, but I must admit it was so enjoyable watching them stumbling around admiring me, I could do nothing wrong. The way I figured, if that is what they believed me to be, then I was going to have some fun while I could.

Then it was marriages. I had five weddings to do. Now, I did them all as straight as I could, but half of the bridegrooms were drunk, and I doubted that they would even remember the ceremony, yet they all wanted to get married, so I did it.

Dinner was the best I have eaten since I suddenly found myself on Zartoon. We had roasted meats, wine, exotic fruits and vegetables and some Zartoon chocolate. It wasn't as good at home, but hey, it was chocolate so I enjoyed it just as much as I would have back home.

After the meal, some of the young females came up to me and offered their bodies to me. Of course, I declined the offers, since I was involved romantically with Pandorica, but I never explained that to them. So, since I wouldn't take their bodies, they then generously offered to be my wives instead. Now, what on Zartoon would I do with fifteen wives? No, I said to each and every one of them. Then I made an announcement that I did think about. I didn't ask about it, I just did it! "I would like to make an announcement," I said to the crowd. "From this day forward, Pandorica and I are married, and I will accept no other wives."

Pandorica didn't react to the announcement in any way. I can only guess that she felt that we were already married, and yeah, that was perfectly fine with me.

The last thing I did today as a god, was to serve as a judge on a case of burglary. A man stole a wooden chalice from a shop. He explained that he didn't steal it, he was just borrowing to give some water to his wife. I stood up, to announce my decision. Naturally, I did not want to sentence this man to jail. It would not fit the crime, so instead I ordered him to work a full shift at the shop to pay for the chalice he had borrowed.

The crowd went berserk, to say the least. For the first time t a citizen was not killed, for the smallest of crimes. "The old god was very vengeful," one of the men told me. "You are a blessing to this land and its people."

After that, I went into my room and shut the door behind me. Pandorica was lying naked on the bed. For the first time, making love to her felt right, in fact, perfect would be a better word! I was with the woman I loved, and that was all this god wanted!