Musings of an INFJ

The Haircut

I realize I need a haircut
However I greatly dislike
Going to a salon

I'm fortunate to have naturally
Curly hair that I can pull up
Into a ponytail most of the time
I can allow my hair to grow and grow
Because the spirals of hair just
Continue to twist and turn
So needing a haircut once a
Year can work for me--no joke

But there comes a time that I
Just need to go have a haircut
And that time is tomorrow

The entire experience is terrible
Sitting in the chair
Being touched and fussed over
It is all just the makings of a
Full-blown panic attack

The word I learned is called:
Tonsurephobia
I think I have this fear
The anxiety over a simple haircut
Profoundly affects my days
As I worry and stress over the event

I'm not afraid of the scissors or
The actual cutting of my hair
I don't like having to look into
The mirror in front of my face
Make small talk with the person
Who is cutting my hair
Feeling so awkward hoping she
Doesn't notice how stressed I am

But the thing that I fear most of all
Is the attention from others
After I have had a change
To my hair

When I was younger I had many
Bad cuts from people who didn't
Understand my curly hair
Mistakes like wetting it down
Combing it straight and cutting
Without taking in account of
The bounce of the curl after it dried
Resulted in many a ridiculously
Short bang issue or haircut from hell

People laughing at my hair
After a bad cut feeling
Humiliated and frustrated
Figuring out how long until
It would grow out enough
For people to stop making
Comments and saying
Things that didn't help

Now that I'm an adult I speak
With the hairdresser about
The bounce of my hair
Before they cut it
It helps to share this fact
But I sit and cringe waiting
For the final result hoping
It will just look decent and
Not draw attention in any way

I don't even like compliments
I'm good with no one noticing
I'm fine just flying under the radar
Going about my life without anyone
Mentioning I had my hair cut

So tomorrow I venture out for this
Tremendously stressful experience
Of getting a haircut
Sometimes I just wish I could
Be normal and not feel this way
About something as simple
And enjoyable to most people
Going to a salon for the day