Musings of an INFJ

Hopelessly Alone

Being an INFJ is sometimes impossibly difficult--I feel like my point-of-view is misunderstood by most people. Especially if I voice my opinion or thoughts from a perspective that I use my intuition as a springboard. The ability to see all the multi-faceted intricate details can be frustrating for me because I feel that others don't understand me. My intention is to be thoughtful and fair and open-minded to those involved. I overthink--yes--but that is not a negative to me. It's just me--how I make sense of a nonsensical, often absurd world. I ponder and wonder and think about what I wish to share. Then comes the blank stare or the dismissal or the diminishing brush-off. It's almost like belligerency is valued more than a conscientious reply. If I get loud and fight I would meet the typical expectation--people understand and possibly even respect and revere the crass outlandish rude comments. But that's not me. Sure I can spout off--but the end result isn't ever satisfying to me. It just leaves me feeling alienated and different and most of all full of regrets. I am never proud of myself if I resort to poor behavior--even when it's justifiable.

Is this what it means that only 1% of all people are INFJ's in the world? That I rarely come across a kindred soul who shares the similarities of my personality? Wishing for someone who understands me seems futile--it's unlikely.

When I'm immeshed in a conflict, it's even more evident that I stand alone in my process of communicating. I tend to have more questions than answers. Things like: why is this person doing this...what is the catalyst for this issue...what is the endgame to this conflict...can it be resolved peacefully...will it be a win-win...? If I dare use my "out loud" voice to ask these questions in the moment I get the "wow-crazy-lady" response. But what if something I share can actually make a negative into a positive? What if personal assessment and clarification can cause positive change and a better understanding results for all involved? Is it asking too much for a bit more time to listen to one another? People don't want to *get that deep* I have found and it saddens me for the missed opportunities.

I do wish for understanding and peace and love but these values seem to be getting stomped on more and more in our culture today. Not only in one-on-one interactions, but within the larger community and society. It seems like it's easier to spew pain and suffering than to be kind and working for positivity. Leaving an interaction with sharp insulting words and a middle finger salute is much more valued than compassion and a hug and smile. The more I try to be a beacon of light and love the more forceful the reaction to squelch the attempt. I will keep on the path--but it's not without a struggle and this gnawing, gripping feeling of being hopelessly alone.