The New Girl

{62} Not worth it, someone with faith, and the letters

Harry's POV: 

"NOO!" I sob and fall to my knees.  

She is actually leaving.  Grace Ross, my angel, is leaving.  Whatever the point was...in our lives...to make her leave, it's not fucking worth it.  She belongs here with us, with me.  I look pathetic on the ground but I don't give a shit.  My head is pounding and my hands shake.  I can still feel her familiar hands slip away from mine.  I wish I never fell for her.  I don't like pain that comes with relationships.  Now this is what I get.  

"I need to.. I.." I mumble.

I need to get away.  Obviously I can't even talk at the moment.  Ignoring all my friends, I swing open the door.  I try to hold in another sob seeing the school.  Gracie.  I can see her when she came out of the principle's office.  Before she told us she had to leave.  I can see her and I walking down the halls in our frees, talking aimlessly.  I can see myself coming back to our table, after our kiss in the snow, and she wasn't there.  Fuck, everywhere I go I can relate it to her.  

Throwing myself into my bed, I'm surprised her letter is still clutched into my hand.  I forgot about it.  With my shaking hands I pull out the letter and soak in each word.  

Harry,

I hope we'll meet again one day.  Promise me we will?  In college?  You could even come to America sometime.  I can't wait to see you then, you'll be so handsome.  And if not...your girlfriend will be very lucky...  

Does she not understand I can't love someone after her?  I accept the fact I won't be able to keep myself from bawling. 

...I want to apologize for the confusion I've put into your life.  I feel as if I could always make things easier for you, but it always ended up being more confusing.  Don't ever forget who you were around me.  That boy is perfect, and I love him.   This isn't the end. 

Gracie xxx

From knowing her so well, I could hear her voice as I read it.  My hands clutched the paper tightly when I read that she loves me.  I hate being here!  I want to leave with Gracie and live my life.  I want to go places with her and share every special experience.  Try new foods.  Lay under the stars.  Snog in my house when my parents are gone.  Be crazy.  But I'm here and she's not.  

In the envelope was two other things.  My heart sped up seeing our photo from the photobooth.  She was in my lap, my lips on her cheek, just a couple hours ago.  I wanted her to keep it... I'll never forget her.  But she will.  That's what I'm most afraid of.  If you told me a guy wouldn't fall for her at her new school, I'd laugh.  He'll win her heart.  But she could always have this photo and remember me.

Then, I pulled out a smaller note.  I skimmed over my handwriting... "I can't wait to kiss you."  I wrote that.  It was in the class when we passed cheesy notes.  I always liked seeing her react to these kind of things.  I wonder why she gave it back.  

My heart was aching and I wanted this all to stop.  I buried myself under my blankets while turning on a music playlist.  I would listen to it when I felt alone.  When my sister went to college.  When I started my life at Brookwood.  It all stopped when Gracie came into my life and swooped me up.