It's times like this where I can't tell if I feel nothing or there was nothing to feel in the first place.
I feel like something is missing, but I don't want to find it.
I feel like I'm lost ,but I know exactly where I am.
I've been here so many times before, yet it's always a surprise.
I've been avoiding mirrors lately. I read somewhere that if you look into someone's eyes for more than 8 seconds you either are maddly in love with them or you want to murder them.
I've only lasted 5 with my reflection because I don't know which it is and I don't want to find out.
It feel's soothing to be back here. I felt like a run away child trying to be rebellious. Fighting the authority trapped inside my brain telling me the lie that everything is fine. This has always been home to me. The only place where feel like myself. Where the truth is loud and unmistakable.
This state I am in is what happens when I mix up too many emotions. Love and hate. Confusion and regret. I'm a cocktail of wrong turns. I'm drunk with the mistakes I've made. This is my rehab. Where I learn sipping on my sorrows isn't the worst thing I could be doing.
I'm glad to see that no one has noticed my stumble. I have pride in the fact that I fake a great smile. And if someone has noticed, they haven't said a word. I hope it stays that way. I'm tried of being tried. I'm sick of being fine. I'm not ok with ok anymore. I don't want to lie to anyone.
Sometimes I catch my phone dying. The battery at the top right blinks on and off at 1%. My charger in my hand. I could easily just plug it in. I sit and watch it blink. Watch it fight for every fleeting second it has. Watch drop down to 0. Somehow dead but alive at the same time. Until the cut to black.
I'm left staring at my reflection in the dark screen. I couldn't help but envy it. Everything gone in a blink. In its last moments. It reminds me of me. I must find an outlet, fast. Before I'm forced to stare at my reflection any further. I have too many things to do. Too little time to waste.
Once I'm at 100%, everything will be right again. I just want it sooner rather then later. Soon, I'll love again.
I hope.
YOU ARE READING
A Boy And His Box
Thơ caHey! This is my first time doing something like this so sorry if I suck. This is going to be a book mostly filled with poems I write. I'm going to do other things with later ,so of you don't like poetry stick around for some adventures. This book is...
