A Boy And His Box

My Obituary

To those who read this, I want to let you in on a secret.
Some times living is hard than dying,
But giving up is harder than trying. After years of struggle I have finally done it.
I have given up.
If you are hearing this that must mean I'm dead.
That thing that has eaten my insides for years has finally had it full and gotten rid of me.
That I've decided that I'll use a noose for a neck tie at my own funeral.
That I've finally become selfish enough to let my loved ones go.
Too let them wonder where THEY went wrong.
Too let them wonder what mistakes THEY made.
Too let them wonder if there was a red flag some where in my practiced smile.
Too let them think they could have done something.
The truth is nothing could have been done for me.
I'm a lost cause in a sea of effects.
A wave with no ripple.
A foot with no print.
To leave no trace.
Only memories.
So goodbye.
And see you soon.

That was the day I died.

Just how I wanted it to go.

No fireworks, no cries, no funeral service.

Just to slip out the back door with no one noticing.

I did just that.

I buried myself 4 years ago and haven't looked back.

The old me was for lack of a better word.

A fucking dumbass.

You'd be surprised at how easy it is to learn how to tie a noose.

You'd be shocked at how hard it is to untie one.

You'd be baffled at how hard it is to teach yourself how to forget how to tie a noose.

And you'd be amazed at how hard it is to forget why you wanted to tie a noose in the first place.

This isn't an obituary for me.

It's for who I use to be.

Back when everything was so easy.

It's easy too give up on yourself.

Its hard to give up on giving up.

To those who are still reading this, I wanna let you in on a little secret.

Life doesn't get better.

You do.