Misfortunes of being a girl

Chapter 5

If emotional isn't the word then I don't know what is. I'm scared to be around Josh. He's too close and friendly, it's not where I want to be. It's not even 'messing around with your best friend' anymore it's more of 'no one can tell if we're friends or together' and I don't like it. It's not my thing.
   With Josh, I don't know when to laugh at him or ignore him. Because when I laugh he's always abruptly asking why I'm laughing at/with him; then as soon as I ignore him he's always putting me down and making me feel bad.
I'm sick of crying. Feeling worthless. I don't want to be with Josh. As many times as he's told his friends, told my friends or whatever... Or even told me that he likes me. It's making me more self conscious than I already am. Call me stupid, bully me, whatever you please but it's just how I feel with him.
                        Maybe I should call Poppy and ask for her advice. She always knows how to get me less sad or lighten things up a bit more.
I'll call her.
--- my words---
---Poppy's words---
*phone ringing*
Hello?
Hey poppy!
Hey Elle, what's up?
I'm just feeling a bit down in the dumps right now and I needed someone to talk to
Go on... Rant away I'm all ears
I'm just so sad. It's becoming too much. Everyone knows how Josh feels towards me and I feel like everyone is just expecting me to feel the same way
Yeah
And I don't Poppy!
I know
Please say you can help!
Well to be honest Elle, the most you can do is ignore everything. That he does, his friends do... Don't listen to the next person to say something about Josh to you. Maybe tell Josh to stop talking about you to his mates?
He does that?
Yeah, heard him before
Well I didn't know he did that. Thanks!
It's okay. Don't worry!
I don't like being forced into things or at least expected to do something in which I have no plan on doing
Totally understandable Elle!
Why is this so hardddd
You just be you. Ignore everyone else. Just not me, or bethany, or Liv, or Lillie
I won't ignore you guys
Anyway gotta get going... My mother wants me... Ughhh
Alright... I'll see you tomorrow then
Yep! Finally friday!
Indeed! Love you Pop bye!
Bye

And with that I hung up. I feel better than I did 5 minutes ago but I still feel terrible. For not being the nicest person to Josh and being all arsey with him. Or did he deserve it because he did it to me? What if he thinks I hate him now? I don't though.
      My mind is blowing up inside of my skull.
              It's literally 8:30pm and I want my bed.
I'm going to bed.

Really short filler chapter for you today... Sorry! I'll be posting a new chapter in a minuet x