Married to the Devil

Chapter 40

Maybe I should've seen it coming. But Josh's proposal hit me like a wall of bricks. I wasn't ready for it.

"If you say yes, I'll throw in a free Kate Spade handbag," He teased, joking about my shopping habits and the pun of my name.

He was still bent on one knee from when he proposed just a minute ago but he was already starting to wobble.

"Um-" Was all I could manage before he stood.

Josh held up a hand to stop me before crinkling his mouth into a smile, "It's okay. You don't have to answer now. You can get back to me in a few days."

I bit back my tongue from wanting to tell him a flat out rejection. After what he did, and the chain of events that spiralled afterwards, I didn't think I could trust him again. Much less marry him.

Instead, I tried a different approach, "Josh, you know I like you, but the contract still stands. So unless u want me to go bankrupt, I can't be with anyone else than Derek."

He looked at me bewildered, "How can it still be valid?"

I shrugged my shoulders in response,"Beats me. Evelyn must've planned this shit really well."

Josh came forward and hugged me without my permission. I stood frozen in place like an idiot.

He pulled back so that we were eye-to-eye, "Don't worry Kate, I'll get to the bottom of it."

And with that he matched out the door without another word.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Against Cass' rather strong opinion that I stay in class, I went against her better judgement. I was skipping English. Derek wasn't there of course, and that's where I was going, to find him.

My mom wasn't going to be happy about any of this. It was very likely that I would get another grounding because of my absence from class. I wasn't a skipper, it just wasn't in my biology.

So I ignored the queasy-ill feeling that I got in my stomach and walked up to the fence in the parking lot that I knew Derek would be at. In the morning, I'd caught a glimpse of him here which must mean that he hadn't left this spot since then.

He hadn't seen me yet and was instead holding a plastic bag full of white powder.

"Planning on ditching school to be a drug dealer?" I asked pointedly.

He jumped and turned around abruptly, surprise on his face, "Jesus! You scared me."

I nodded toward the bag, looking for an explanation.

He sighed, before reluctantly telling me, "It's only for me. I didn't bring it to pass around."

I huffed.

"What?" He asked, suddenly snappy.

I shrugged my shoulders whilst looking away, "I didn't think you were into drugs."

"I'm not. It's temporary." He explained.

I turned on him, "Was I temporary too? Is that why you left after you had your fun?"

He shrunk back guiltily, "It was your first time. I'm sorry I didn't know."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Hot tears prickled at the corners of my eyes, the hurt seeped into my voice.

"Your first time should've been special. It shouldn't have been with me."

"What kind of bullshit is that?" I said angrily as I quickly wiped the tears away.

"I didn't know, okay?" He said softly.

I threw my hands in the air, frustrated, "You must've felt it."

"I did."

The admission was like a time bomb, "Then why didn't you stay?"

He silenced and I rudely snapped my fingers in his face to grab his attention.

"I want an answer. Why did you leave me alone? Was it to use me -?"

"No!" He interrupted.

"What then?" I prodded.

He mumbled, "I can't give you the love you deserve Katie. I'm unlovable. I'll mess it up. I always do. It's best you stay away from me."

He turned and walked away.

"What the hell does that mean?" I yelled after him, my voice ringing through the vast empty space.

He didn't so much as turn around.