Married to the Devil

Chapter 42

"Er-" came Derek's reply.

That was not what I expected at all. A simple yes or a no would have sufficed. Who the hell says 'er' as his go-to phrase of choice?

"Well, Umm." Derek scratched his head and looked away.

Seriously? Was it that hard to come up with an answer?

"If you want to say no then you can," I said finally, tired of him going back and forth.

He played with his fingers awkwardly in a way that made me tense up, "It's not that I want to say no. That's not it at all."

"Then?" I asked a little more aggressively than I wanted to.

"Well, Umm. You hurt me Kate. You cheated on me. I just don't know if I can be with you again."

A bomb of sadness erupted in my stomach. He was right. I was horrible to him. I cheated. And now all my chances with him were gone.

I laughed wearily, "You know we're still married right? Evelyn won't take back the contacts because she wants to keep Josh away from me."

"I know."

"So we're stuck together until then." I said.

"I know that too," He repeated.

"Part of the contacts says we have to live together. You have to move back with me."

He scratched his head, "I think I can negotiate that with Evelyn. She might take that part back."

I walked toward him slowly, catching the way he watched me with such intensity. He still loved me. I just knew it. My fingers laced with his and that heat in the pit of my stomach returned.

"Don't do that. Please don't," I said softly, "I don't want you to leave me. Please don't leave."

I didn't care that it sounded like I was begging. Heck, I was begging. But it didn't matter. This was Derek. I'd loved him forever. If I couldn't tell him how I felt, what was the point?

He sighed and touched a hand to his hair, "I don't know Kate. It's really hard for me to jump right back to you again."

A gasp from me. Then a sigh. His reply wasn't a surprise but was still unexpected.

"Please Derek. I need one last chance."

He bit his lip, still uncertain, "Fine."

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"Wanna go for a drive?" Derek asked me casually.

He gripped my arm to stop me from getting to the cafeteria.

"It's the middle of school though."

"It's important." He replied, glancing around to make sure that no body heard.

"Like that bag of drugs you were using the other day? Or was that still temporary like me?"

He let out a grunt of frustration, "You weren't temporary Katie. You just can't be with me right now."

"Why not?" I countered.

"I'm not ready."

"You're not ready." I repeated, dumbfounded, "Derek we've been through so much already! How can you not be ready?"

He fumbled with the edge of his shirt, "I'll mess it up. I just know it."

I took his hands in mine reassuringly, "It won't. We'll get through it together. I know we will."

He looked into my eyes with his green ones and I felt myself getting sucked into him again.

"Okay."