YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ

Chapter 39.

Camila Cabello.

After Lauren's dramatic exit, I turned to look at my daughter who was already glaring at me. I didn't know what was going on inside her head, she didn't know anything at all. When she asked me about Austin and why he wasn't living with us a couple of months ago, I blamed it all on Lauren. Firstly, I didn't know that Allison would ask why Austin was moving to Boston but when she did, I had no other options than to tell her a lie. I thought Lauren wasn't coming back but now that she had, I made everything worse for myself.

“Allison Marie, I need an explanation for that behavior when I strictly told you to be on your best behavior.” I sternly said but I knew my daughter wouldn't be intimidated.

Ever since she was living back and forth with Austin and I, she changed. As she grew up she realized that I wasn't involved in her life so much because of my own personal issues. She changed in a bad way and then her company at school, she hung out with the wrong crowd. Even at the age of nine, the children were pretending as if they were sixteen and it changed Allison and Diego both. They both changed after seeing the other children in their school.

“Oh I am sorry? I thought you would be giving me an explanation about everything.” Allison said and something inside me shivered. She was so mature for her age and it scared me. I didn't know what would happen when she would reach her teenage years. The almost ten years old was glaring at me and I would be lying if I said that it didn't scare the hell out of me.

“I don't have to explain anything to you. Don't forget who the mother is.”

Allison laughed as she looked away, “Of course mom, how could I forget. Since you spent your entire life chasing me.”

My heart broke when I heard this, “What did you say? Are you being sarcastic with me right now, Allison? I swear if you use that tone on me again I'll—”

She cut me off as she walked away towards her room, “You’ll what, huh? Shut me out again? Because that's the only thing you could do, mom. You couldn't even tell me the truth why you made Lauren the bad guy in my eyes.”

I felt my eyes welling up as soon as those words left Allison's mouth. I didn't know how much my daughter felt the distance. I knew I made the biggest mistake by not making Allison my first priority but it was too late. I made the biggest mistake and now I had to face the consequences. Just when Allison reached her door, she turned around and looked at me with the teary eyes.

“Charlotte was right. Those kids who doesn't have their father around loses their mothers too. I don't want to see you again, mom. I hate you.”

And with that she shut her door behind her while I stood there crying. I knew there wasn't any truth behind her words, she was just angry. But hearing those three dreadful words coming out of her mouth made me want to kill myself right there and then. I knew what I had to do. I had to come clean infront of the nine years old. Maybe she would understand. Maybe she would realize that what she said to Lauren and I was wrong or maybe she would just shut me out of her life permanently. 

I fucked up so bad that I couldn't find the need of living anymore.

——

I woke up to the smell of bacon and pancakes. The events of last night were still very fresh in my mind so I decided to stay back in my bed and mourn. I knew Allison would probably be annoyed to see me so I decided not to piss her off even more. She was old enough to make breakfast for herself and go to school. I didn't want to ruin her day with my unwanted presence early in the morning. I hid my face in the pillow and cried softly. Not only I possibly lost Lauren, I lost my daughter as well. What was the purpose of my living, right?