ill // phan au

t w o

"chris probably already asked you but what did you do to get stuck in here?" phil asked me, turning his body to face me and waited for my answer.

don't tell him.

"attempted to commit suicide." I said and shrugged.

don't ignore me.

"same. I tried hanging myself but my mum found me before anything bad happened and then I ended up here."

phil was quite thin and had pale skin with jet black hair that complimented his eyes. he was wearing jeans and a jumper, hugging the ball he was throwing against his chest now.

he looked exhausted, like he was tired of the world and couldn't be less interested in anything anyone had to offer.

"I slit my wrist. my little brother found me first. I feel bad he had to see all the blood." I said, feeling a wave of guilt as I remembered the horrified look on my brother's face when he opened the door and saw my open wrist and a pool of blood.

"did they bandage it?" phil asked, his eyes widening a bit.

"um, yeah, why?" I replied, pulling the sleeve of my sweater down a bit.

"I wanted to see what it looked like but that's not a possibility now. so, what have you been diagnosed with?" phil leaned back against the wall, throwing his ball against the wall again.

"do you guys openly talk about these things?" I questioned, surprised again.

phil nodded. "yeah. new people usually find it odd but here, we're all kind of like a big family filled with fucked up kids. we talk to each other. it also pisses off the therapists trying to work with us because no one likes to open to therapists but we like to talk to each other. it's weird, right?"

"kind of." I mumbled, looking down at my lap.

"of course, you don't have to tell anyone what you have or why you here so don't feel pressured to. people will ask because we're used to sharing things but you don't have to say anything." he assured me.

"do you often tell people about yourself?" I asked.

"not really but you can easily guess what I have by the way I act or the things I do. besides, there's one person that knows everything about everyone. chris."

"what do you mean he knows everything?" I said, only getting more confused.

if chris knew what I had then why would he ask me why I was here?

"yeah, he goes and reads everyone's files which I'm pretty sure is illegal but there's no 'proof' he's done it," phil explained. "it bothered me at first, just like everyone else but then you realize it's better than actually telling him everything. he knows what you have and everything you've told past therapists. I didn't tell my therapists much but I was diagnosed with enough things to give chris an image of what my life is like."

doesn't that mean he knows about me?

"I don't like the idea of him knowing what I've been diagnosed with," I muttered. "he's just invading our privacy."

"I hated him for weeks when he told me he knew everything. then, we talked and I got to know him more. he's not a bad person, he just wants to help everyone here even though we all know he can't. did he tell you about charlie? how you've got to be quiet around him? or daisy and flo and how you should never separate them and use the right pronouns for flo?"

"he did..."

"none of us would have known to be quiet around charlie if chris hadn't said it because it was in the files he read. it sounds awful but it really helps us all. that's why chris is like a special case and everyone here looks up to him and treats him like a big brother. he's probably reading your files right now."

"I thought he said someone was calling him?" I pointed out and phil frowned a bit.

"oh. right. pj. you'll understand that once you get to know him more."

I was about to ask him what he meant when he got to his feet, clutching the ball.

"it's about lunch time so we should head to the cafeteria or the adults will freak."

this place is odd.

it doesn't seem too bad..

I followed phil out of the room and down the hall where we ran into chris who looked excited and it made me wonder how he could possibly smile in a place like this.

"so, you're schizophrenic?" chris asked me in a hushed tone and I felt my heart stop.

murder him.

I could feel grey attempting to take control but I balled my hands into fists again and remained still.

"yeah. I don't want to talk about it." I said and chris nodded.

"that was in your file too. don't worry, I won't say anything. just remember that if grey ever gets too loud or overwhelming that we're here to help. the Galaxy Hall is always available as well. but come on, it's lunch!"

he grabbed phil's wrist and my okay wrist and dragged us down the hall, into the cafeteria.

chris was such a cheerful person and I guess he really did respect what you wanted because he didn't talk about grey at all but that didn't stop grey from getting angry and trying to take control, only making it difficult for me.

*****

WOOOOOOOO second part up I dID IT

I actually finish this like three days ago but forgot to update oOps

but yes :,) here we are !!!

this ones shorter, some chapters might not be the longest and it's kinda boring rn but I'm trying aH

HAVE YOU SEEN THE TATINOF SHOW AND THE DOCUMENTARY HOLY SHIT I CRIED SO MUCH (sPOILER AHEAD)

"let's go home" FUCK. ME. UP.

(SPOILER OVER -yeah dan that was really helpful)

OKAY IM GONNA LEAVE NOW I LOVE YOU ALL A LOT

BYYEEEE