ill // phan au

f i f t e e n

you know this won't work, right?

I know, but maybe if I just...

the led was sharp but not sharp enough and in the end, I was just pushing my pencil into my wrist, under the bandage the nurse still wouldn't let me take off.

it had been nearly a month, I really didn't get why keeping the bandage on was necessary-

"some are easily triggered," nurse valerie said.

right, that made sense.

yeah, she told you that when you tried to take the bandages off, remember?

shut up, you encouraged it.

I'd already been to the nurse's room four times, first being the time I got punched in the face. second was when someone was freaking out and accidentally hit me, the third time was just stupid. if I hadn't proved I was clumsy then me tripping over my own feet in the cafeteria and dropping phil's, immy's and my food everywhere definitely did.

phil and immy claimed it was okay but that didn't stop me from sobbing like a baby because I felt guilty for making a mess and I also tripped them on accident.

the last time was me sitting in the library, waiting for phil to come back from his therapy session. I was hiding in the very back, fighting grey as usual and getting distracted, I began to pick on my bandages which lead to grey insisting I take them off and I was nearly done taking unwrapping it from my wrist when chris found me, scolded me and took me to nurse valerie.

I was crying-

you cry more often than phil gets angry.

stop it.

I sighed. grey was right and we both knew it. I cried whilst chris frantically asked if I was alright, if I had seen under the bandages, and it was a little comforting. he may be my age but he did have that parental role that I wish I had growing up.

that was when nurse valerie explained why I couldn't take off my bandages but told me that maybe in a month I could.

that seemed too far away.

there was a soft tap on the door, pulling me back into reality and sally walked into the room.

I immediately dropped my pencil and sat up straight.

"did I startle you? I didn't mean to," she said quietly, voice shaky and eyes watery.

I became concerned.

"are you alright?" I asked her.

she took a step back then hesitated before glancing at me, quickly dropping her gaze again.

she shook her head and tears began to roll down her cheeks, her body quivering.

I got to my feet and hurried over towards her; I wasn't chris but I remember him telling me that sally was very emotional, especially when she hadn't had her medication.

I stopped a few inches away from her, afraid she might not want to be hugged but held out my arms as an invitation and without looking at me, she ran into my arms, burying her face in my chest.