ill // phan au

s i x

"I look forward to seeing you next wednesday," claire said and I nodded, standing and making my way out of the room.

immy wasn't outside when I looked and in a way, I was relieved. I didn't exactly want company right now.

with nothing to do, I walked to the library, hoping I could find some books to distract myself until dinner.

I walked into the library and a few people turned to look in my direction and I got a few people waving at me.

thanks to chris, I got to know a lot more people which was helpful in case I was ever alone and wanted to talk to someone but in this case, I wanted to find a book and be alone so I waved back and began to look at the books they had to offer.

there were many children's books-

do they seriously think people would read these?

-and many picture books but not a lot of thick books that could catch my attention until I could the harry potter series and despite already reading the whole thing twice (once alone and once to my little brother), I decided to pick up the first book and went to look for a place to sit to read.

I walked towards the very back corner of the room to be away from people whilst reading but instead, I found phil sitting on the floor, hugging his knees with a ripped stuffed bear beside him.

he lifted his head to look at me and he had a guilty expression.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"for?"

"for what happened on sunday."

"it's okay. it wasn't your fault."

he let his gaze fall as he spoke again. "I have anger issues and I'm sorry you had to experience what happened at the cafeteria and afterwards when I yelled at you. I didn't mean it. I can't control myself."

"it's okay," I said again and it went silent as he picked up the torn stuffed bear.

I sat down beside him and glanced at the book that was still in my hands.

"do you like harry potter?" I asked phil.

"I've never read the books, I can't ever concentrate whilst reading." he answered.

"really? it helps me from hearing grey." I said and phil's expression went from blank to confused to calm in a matter of seconds and I remembered I hadn't mentioned much of grey to phil.

"do you name the voices in your head?" phil questioned and I shrugged.

"I mean, the name just came to me and I've always called him that." I told him and he nodded indicating that he understood what I meant.

"can I read to you?" I offered, holding up the harry potter book.

my brother loved when I read to him. this could at least make me feel a bit more at home.

phil nodded again, a small smile creeping onto his lips and I could feel myself smile as I opened the book and began reading.

"the boy who lived."

***

"okay guys, you know what day it is! I'll call out names and you'll follow me!" heather, one of the people that watched over us, called out.