ill // phan au

e i g h t e e n

don't do that.

I couldn't remember exactly when it started but all I knew was I was... friends with him. we had our ups and downs but he was still my best friend. every time I was about to do something stupid or reckless, he'd be there to stop me, talk me out of it and distract me.

there wasn't a time I could think of where he wasn't with me; I couldn't see him but I knew he was right behind me, following me and watching after me. he was shy but he would keep me company, sit with me in class and stand behind me every time I was getting shouted at by my parents.

grey was quite the opposite of me. he was straight-up honest, got angry and frustrated easily and was very bad at showing how he felt. he didn't trust anyone and hated when I got close to people. I, on the other hand, trusted too easily, I was scared of the truth and was almost always crying. at one point, he called me a cry baby for weeks.

being bullied made me cry a lot, I always let people hit me and never said anything and grey would get angry at me for it.

fight back! say something! you can't let people hurt you like this dan!

I was always a coward, unable to speak up for myself but there were times grey couldn't take it and he took control.

I'll never forget the day he got up from the ground and pushed away mike, my bully. mike didn't hesitate to try and punch me but grey grabbed a hold of his fist and slammed his head against mike's.

it was funny for the first few seconds but then the pain came and grey let go as I started to cry. the principle had watched it happen and suspended everyone that was there. my parents were furious but grey wouldn't stop talking about how that was how to fight.

I usually let him be like when he stands up for me but sometimes, I have to struggle to keep him still because he will demand for control and attempt to take matters into his own hands like the time my dad slapped me and grey insisted on fighting back but there was no use in doing so- to me at least.

it never bothered me before. grey made me feel less lonely, he talked me through so much and even though he didn't show it, he cared an awful lot about alex like I did. he had encouraged me to find out more for alex, we wanted the best for him and we wanted to protect him as much as possible.

but when I got called down to the office because my guidance counsellor wanted to talk, everything changed.

"take a seat, mr. howell." she said and I sat across from her, afraid of what she had to say.

grey?

I'm sure it's nothing bad.

"so I wanted to ask you a few questions, is that alright?"

I nodded.

"the other day, you mr. wilson asked you who you were talking to and you answered saying you were talking to grey... who is grey?"

what an odd question, I thought at the time. why would she ask such a thing?

"he's my friend," I told her and her expression wasn't very comforting.

"may I call him down to the office?" she asked and without hesitation, I told her grey was right behind me.

her eyes moved past me for a few seconds then landed on me again.

"he's always with me, right grey?" I spoke again, looking to my side but like always, he was out of my sight. "he's shy and doesn't really talk to anyone but me."