ill // phan au

n i n e t e e n

you did what you had to.

I know, I know...

but I was still afraid. what if lucas turned out to be just like my parents?

we made sure lucas genuinely cared, remember? we said we wouldn't let alex go with anyone that would only hurt him further.

I balled my hands into fists.

and since when did you care?

that was uncalled for but I was so scared, so stressed, it was getting on my nerves and I couldn't help it.

you know I care. I've always cared and I want the best for him.

I scoffed. the tv room was empty but the sound of the shows kept me company and at the moment, I preferred to be alone with the noise rather than people.

hey, fuck you! you're acting like you're the victim and we both know that's not true!

"yeah, because you haven't been treating me like absolute shit," I muttered and I knew that struck something.

you have been treating me like a stranger when I know you better than anyone, even fucking phil and chris!

"oh, fuck you! what do you have against them, why the fuck are they a problem?" I shouted, getting angrier by the second.

if you actually talked to me, you'd know I actually like them! I'm just... afraid they'll leave.

"that's such bullshit! you talk about phil like he's gross and don't even give chris the attention!"

unlike you, I'm not forcing out the truth from them! do you even know what space is?

"don't turn this onto me! you don't know shit!" I yelled and suddenly, someone walked in.

it was james.

"oooh, talking to yourself. you've gone crazy, haven't you? it's probably because of chris, he's a little off," james said and chuckled.

"there's nothing wrong with chris," I scolded.

dan, don't do this.

"there's something wrong with everyone here," james scoffed. "chris, for example, still talks to pj. it's been what? a year now, you'd think he'd be over it."

"a year? since what?" I asked and his eyes glistened with interest, giving me a bad feeling.

dan, stop it.

"really? you don't know? wow, i thought you guys were close! guess chris doesn't like you either."

what's he saying?

he's doing this on purpose, just leave.

"I heard chris finds out everything about everyone here just so he knows their weak spots to control them. I bet you're another one of his bitches." james continued.