My Shadow

Chapter 1

Hey, this is my first book so go easy on me. I don't have editors or anything like that. I make stupid mistakes all the time. I'll try my hardest not to.
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Essa

Today is my first day of school. Well first day of eleventh grade. So today was my first day of eleventh grade. I always thought it got eassier. Crowds get eassier to handle. I thought it just got eassier as the years went by.

I was wrong. So very wrong. It didn't help to see my ex-boyfriend. The guy I dated for three years or his new girlfriend. I guess I shouldn't be so heart broken because that was last year. I also shouldn't be heart broken by the fact I left him. Why did I leave him? Everything I loved about him and I still do. He just wasn't right I guess. It's okay its still high school.

I guess I wasn't ment to meet my soulmate in high school. I had crushes but none of them liked me back. Then again who could? I had a bad personality I was shy, too nice, a loner, depressed, and anxiety controlled me. If you ingored all that then I was okay.

"I'm finally home." I wispered to myself. My mother worked nights so I was alone most of the time because she slept all day.

'Hey beautifu' it was a text from an unknown number.

'Sorry you must have the wrong number' I texted back. I don't know why I texted back. I usually didn't. Just like I didn't answer calls from strangers.

'Oh yeah, I guess. Sorry about that. Hey what's your name? My name is Stefan.' I had friends like Stefan I guess who texted random numbers. Although I have no way of knowing if he really did.

'It's Essa. I g2g text me later if you want.' I texted back it usually worked getting rid of the unwanted.

'Hey, Essa. That's a pretty name. I'll text you in an hour. Please text me back.' I ingored his text. I still read it though. Unlike Facebook messenger it doesn't say the person has seen it in text.

Is he really going to text me back. Why would he do that? I didn't know what to think of it. My phone went off again.

'Hey babe want to hang out' it was just spirit. My only friend. Well I had other friends but she was the only one who I actually hung out with.

'Maybe. When and where?' I answered not really feeling like going anywhere but to bed.

'Come on babe you promised. You know now and the usual spot.' She was right I did promise. I really didn't want to go. I wanted to go to bed. She wouldn't let me.

'Ugh. Do you want me to pick you up?' No probably not. Nothing new there. I walked outside and got into my car.

'Nope. Race you there but don't speed.' We both had cars. There was this one place no one knew about thats where we always went to talk about everything.

Like always I got there before her. I waited she arrived five minutes after me.

"Hey babe." She paused for a second. She looked me over. "You look like crap how did this happen." Spirit said.

"Thanks, well you know school." She looked at me confused. I didn't even care. I didn't want to talk about it. I knew I was depressed. She knew it to but I couldn't say it. I didn't want to get help even though I needed it. I wanted to sit in my pity party by myself

"Lets talk about school. I know its the first time you seen him after the break up." She said knowingly. She always knew.

"Yeah. Ashley, his new girl was all over him. It was gross. He didn't even seem to pay attention to her. I'm glad he isn't my problem anymore. I'm going to take a break from boys for awhile." I took a deep breath. Waiting for her next question. It was always 20 questions until you shared problem with spirit. She wants to be a therapist when she gets older.

"You know I never liked him but babe don't give up on love because of him. So how many anxiety attacks did you have today?" She said knowing that was my only other problem with school. Social anxiety was a big part of my life but it wasn't me. My anxiety was never me.

"Three." I whispered. She hugged me.

"Oh babe thats terrible. They'll go down and eventually away right?" She asked as unsure as I was.

"I don't know. I hate them so much. Why do I have to have them? I hate it I just start crying in the middle of class."

"Babe, only smart people have anxiety. They worry about everything. You know what else it says about you. It says that you're caring. You care about people so much. Now it's time to care about yourself. I know it isn't easy babe but come on you can do it. I believe in you. I have faith in you. You can do it because you're strong enough to handle this." Spirit said. She always had a way to cheer me up. But it only helps so much when you're depressed.

"I'm sorry. I need to tell you something." I said with tears in my eyes. She just nodded. "Sometimes I can't handle life. Sometimes I get so sad. So sad that I shut down." I said with tears flowing down my face. The hardest thing to do is admit to someone you're not doing as well as you hope for.

"You're going to be okay. We all are. Its okay to be sad its okay to be not okay. Just try your hardest to be you. Because in the end it doesn't matter who is left because you will be the one who matters most to yourself." She glanced at her phone. "I got to go babe. Text me if you need me or call. I'll always be here for you I miss you babe." She gave me a hug and left. I sat there for awhile.

'Hey, it's been one hour Essa.' Stefan texted me.

"You're not a lesbian are you? nothing wrong with lesbians it's just if you are it ruins my chances." someone said. I jumped.

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Cliffhanger please don't hate me for it. I'm working on the next chapter right now.